THELASTPAGE
The last time I swore at the telly
During every single fast money final
round of Family Feud. As much as I love
hard-hitting HBO docudramas, when I
turn on the TV all I want is vacuous fluf,
especially recently when my days have been
pretty intense, and Family Feudis it for
me. I kind of get a power trip every time
an idiotic family screws up the final fast
money round.
The last time I was rude to someone
I’ve got a potty mouth on stage. I can’t
help but swear when I get on some kind of
raised platform. So it was probably some-
one taking a selfi e with an iPad at one of
my shows. They probably copped a swear
word or two.
My last meal would be
A perfectly balanced hamburger, stand-
ing alone in the middle of a plate. A lovely
sweet bun, a patty that is done medium, a
sharp cheese, the perfect amount of sauce
with a mixture of ketchup, a dash of mayo
and chilli sauce, some buttery crisp lettuce,
a fresh, ripened tomato. I’d happily eat it
and fold over. I have this insane obsession
with the quality of the bun. If it’s a tired old
supermarket bun, it can just ruin your day.
The last song I got stuck in my head
Having a small child, I think it was
probably “Let It Go” from Frozen.That’s
a hideously un-rock & roll anthem, but I
laid out the truth, unadulterated, toRoll-
ing Stone.
The last time I was embarrassed
I went on a family holiday to Fiji. I
wanted some nice resort wear, so I went
out and got a couple of new pairs of bath-
ers, and I got this really amazing [pair]
that were kind of blue and white. When I
came out of the water in this family pool,
that white strip happened to
be exactly over my genitals,
and was transparent. And
it was just hideous. My wife
pointed it out and was like,
“Henry!” I had to do some
sort of Benny Hill, kind of
Porky’s moment just cover-
ing myself up and running.
The last time I ate something
I regretted
I always fi nd after a long,
cramped Pacific f light, the
airline breakfasts really dis-
appoint me. After you’ve
been asleep and you’re feel-
inglikecrap,theconceptofamushroomfrittata,oratomatoandham
omelette, seems really good. But it always
ends up tasting like a human tongue.
The last time I wore a cowboy hat
Afewmonthsago.Itwasahalfcow-
boyhat,halfrabbi’shat–a
sharprimmed,blackkind
ofthingthatIworearound
thestreetsofMelbourne.I
felt really good about it and
thought it would be my new
thing, until I fi rst packed it
in a suitcase and it came out
looking more like kangaroo
testicles. The sharpness all
disappeared and it turned
into a shapeless sack.
The last good book I read
I literally just fi nished The
Dirt, the Mötley Crüe biog-
raphy. Their stories of bur-
ritos through to Pamela An-derson’s roller coaster of emotions had me
entertained the whole way. And to actually
be walking the streets of L.A. over the few
days that I was reading it was kind of trip-
py and surreal. It made walking past the
Denny’s more technicolour.
The last thing I lost
I lost one of my favourite fl at caps on
aflight–afl at cap-neck pillow combo,
which I left probably as I was going to get
the overhead luggage. [I think I] put it in
the middle seat. You’re gathering up your
headphones, your iPad, whatever, and I
forgot about my accessories.
The last record I bought
King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard’s
Paper Mâché Dream Balloon on vinyl.
It’s been a breakfast record for me in my
household. There’s something about fl ute
in a context where it’s kinda cool, where
really it eases you into the day kind of
perfectly.He has a potty mouth, he’s
frightened families in Fiji, and
is a sucker for a good burger
By Rod YatesAs much
as I love
hard-hitting
docudramas,
‘Family Feud’
is it for me.”OUT NOWHenry Wagons
AfterWhatIDid
Last Night
Henry’s new album was
released in February.
Catch him on tour
around Australia
throughout May.106 | Rolling Stone |RollingStoneAus.com May, 2016