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MILLIE CHANDLER.

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“Being a lesbian means you’re someone who is sexually and

emotionally attracted to other females,” says sex and relationships

counsellor Somerset Maxwell (somersetmaxwell.com). But it’s not

always this black and white. It’s quite common to have fantasies

or an attraction to other girls without being a lesbian; in fact, most

women at some time or another throughout their lives let their minds

go there. However, it’s important to figure out for yourself if your

feelings are friendship-based or maybe something a little more.

This is like Jodi, 15, who started fantasising about girls two

years ago. “For so long I thought there was something wrong with

me when all my friends were talking about guys and I couldn’t

stop thinking about girls,” she says. “I felt like such an outsider,

I kept trying to stop thinking about girls but I couldn’t!”

When you’re super close to your BFFs, it’s also easy to get

your feelings confused. Do you love your friend or love-love your

friend? “My friend Sasha and I have always been really close,”

says Natalie, 16. “But I started to realise I was dreaming about

kissing her and I thought about her sexually, I didn’t think of her

as just my friend anymore... she was my crush.”

It looks just like you! Being a lesbian doesn’t change anything

about your appearance, the way you dress, talk, walk... nothing.

“There are stereotypes, like lesbians have short hair and never

wear dresses, but that’s completely ridiculous,” Somerset says.

It’s just like your star sign. No-one dresses like a Gemini or an

Aquarius – you can’t tell! “When I came out, I thought I’d have

to be less girly,” says Nicole, 17. “But being a lesbian doesn’t

change anything about me except who I want to date – that’s it.”

“Growing up is all about coming into your own and figuring out

who you are,” Somerset says. And with your body changing and

hormones flowing, it can be hard to tell the difference between

sexual attraction and liking someone as a friend. Sexuality is also

pretty fluid, which means that you could be a lesbian, straight,

bi-sexual or you could slide anywhere between them. Some people

know they’re a lesbian from a very early age and others discover

it as they go along, but either way you can’t help who you’re

attracted to. “Don’t pretend to be something you’re not, you deserve

to be happy – no matter who you fall for,” Somerset tells us.

If you’re struggling to figure out your sexuality, it’s vital that you

turn to someone you feel comfortable with and really trust. It could

be a parent, teacher, friend, school counsellor or maybe someone

from a trusted website. Because even though you might feel alone,

there are many, MANY people just like you, all going through the

exact same thoughts and feelings. “I was convinced I was the only

one who was confused about who I wanted to hook up with,” says

Talia, 14. “But I went to a website and that’s where I realised there

were so many people I could turn to with my questions.”

And remember, you don’t have to announce your sexuality to

anyone until you feel completely ready. “Your preference is your

own personal business and you’re under no pressure to let people

know until you are ready to talk about it,” Somerset advises.

CLICK HERE

WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT HOW YOU’RE

FEELING? HERE ARE SOME GREAT PLACES TO START:

NEED-TO-KNOW INFO

You have the right to decide what you call yourself

• that’s if you even want call yourself anything!

Sexuality: Your sexual orientation or preference.

Heterosexual/straight: You are emotionally

and sexually attracted to guys and you don’t have

sexual or romantic feelings for girls.

Bisexual/bi: You are emotionally and sexually

attracted to both guys and girls.

Homosexual/lesbian: You are emotionally

and sexually attracted to girls.

Congratulations! To this person, you are

a trustworthy and understanding confidante.

Just imagine how scared your buddy must

be feeling, so here’s some advice for when

a loved one tells you they’re gay:

* Don’t interrupt. Sit and calmly listen.

* Let them know that you’re there for them.

* Be sympathetic and understanding.

* Respect their privacy. If they ask you not

to tell anyone, then don’t (unless you’re

worried about their wellbeing, in which

case you should let a trusted adult know).

“When people talk about coming out of the closet,

they mean that they are telling people they’re gay,”

Somerset tells us. When you start to listen to your

feelings and figure out your sexuality, you’ll realise

that whatever you decide, it’s totally fine. “You don’t

have to rush to decide how to label yourself right now.

Sexual identity develops over time,” says Somerset.

And it’s totally true! Take all the time you want

and need to figure out who you are and exactly what

you’re into. When you decide to tell people, no-one

should ever make you feel bad about yourself. Your

true friends are the ones who will love you no matter

what. “Start by explaining how you are feeling and

that you need someone to talk to,” Somerset says.

If you’re a bit worried about their reaction, you can

always float the idea by saying “a friend of mine...”

and then just explain the situation to them. b

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