(^84) DOLLY.COM.AU DOLLYMAG
He’s sweet. He’s cute. He’s hilarious. He’s older.
Oh, and he’s related to your best friend. Here’s
how to deal with the most inconvenient crush.
When Jade, 15, realised that she had a crush on Tyler – her best friend’s
17-year-old brother – she couldn’t believe it. Having known Tyler as long as
she could remember, it was hard to deal with the fact she couldn’t stop thinking
about the guy who’d once capsized her kayak on a joint family holiday.
All of a sudden, the boy that used to annoy her and her BFF now gave Jade
serious butterflies. It was a crush, alright. An extremely annoying one at that.
BROTHER
If you’re feeling super nervous, text your
friend and tell her you need to talk to
her about something. That way, when
you see her she will be expecting you
to have big news. “Discuss your feelings
with your friend and then get his or her
perspective on the situation. Your friend
knows her brother best and she might
even want to offer advice,” says Janine.
However, discussing it with your
friend isn’t about getting her permission
- it’s about getting everything out in
the open. When Jade spoke to Hannah
about Tyler, she had already kissed him,
which made things worse. “Hannah felt
betrayed. Even if it wasn’t her brother,
she would have been annoyed if I had
started seeing any boy and hadn’t told
her. Sneaking behind her back made
it a million times worse,” admits Jade.
Part of being a friend is having trust
in one another. If you’re honest from the
start, she’s more likely to be open to the
idea of you dating her brother, knowing
that she’s more important to you than
him. “When there’s openness, honesty,
no secrets and no hidden agenda, there
are no misunderstandings,” says Janine.
So get ready to ’fess up all the details,
including when you started developing
feelings for her bro and what you want
your crush on him to really turn into.
THE BIG CONVERSATION
If Gretchen Wieners in Mean Girls was correct when she said the rule of
feminism is to not go after a friend’s ex – another rule would be not going
after your friend’s relative. Or, at least not going after him until you’ve
spoken to her first. “After you both decide that there are mutual feelings,
don’t sneak behind anyone’s back. Lies cause complications and can
create even more problems,” says Janine. As exciting as it is to find out
that your crush is into you, try to keep your cool and stay logical. Resist
the urge to jump straight into something you might wish you waited for.THE GIRL CODE
You’ve realised you’re crushing hard on your bestie’s bro... eek! First
things first – check he’s into you too. Sure, you might be positive you’ve
caught him checking you out and jumping for that place next to you on
the couch, but before you even think about making a move, you need
to make sure that your feelings are real. Crushes can be fleeting, so before
you take any big steps, give the whole situation a chance to cool down
a bit so your heart has time to triple-check it’s actually into this guy.I LIKE HIM. HE LIKES ME.
“When we have a crush on a person, we can’t always choose who it is,”
says psychologist Janine Rod. “Research has shown there is a combination
of chemicals in our brain that entice us to fall in love. Sometimes, it only
takes seconds.” Throw in the fact you can see your friend’s brother or
cousin almost as much as you see them and it makes it pretty easy for
feelings to develop – especially once you add in that hair, that laugh and
that time you saw him trying to hide his tears during The Fault In Our Stars.BUT WHY HIM? SERIOUSLY... WHY?