cosmo question
“I’m just being
honest”: the
second most
frustrating phrase
in the English
language, right
after “the
thickshake
machine is broken.”
!!
"
# $
%&
'
(
!
(
) ) ))* Step 1:The big test
Say someone is looking tired.
Doyousidleupnexttothem
and point out the bags under
their eyes? Well, that person is
likely aware they’re looking
fatigued AF and you pointing
it out isn’t helping their day go
from sleepy to sprightly. Before
opening up your mouth, think
aboutwhatwillbeachieved
by filling this person in on thisIt’s important to know
what purpose being
honest is serving”
GETTY IMAGES/ISTOCKPHOTO
pointless PSA. “It’s important
to know what purpose being
honest is serving,” Bradley
says. “And more importantly,
was it asked for? Opinions are
great, if I asked you for it. But
if I didn’t, then I don’t care.”Step 2:Is it in front
of others?
Ifyouansweredyes–donot
say a word. Save your honest
opinion for when you have the
person alone and you aren’t
going to ruin their day with an
unnecessary comment.
“Honesty is terrific,” says
Bradley.“Butyouhavetobe
sure you’re not using it as an
excuse to be tactless or to
humiliate someone else.”Step 3:Soften the blow
If you’ve passed steps one and
two, use tact when delivering
your powerful sermon.
“Think about whether the
comment is going to have too
much insult factor,” Bradley
says. “The old cliché of ‘does
my butt look big in this?’ is one
example where if it does, then
youcansay‘yes’...”
That’s the jerk reaction,
though, right?
“Tactisthethingtoemploy
here. By saying, ‘I wouldn’t put
it like that, but you have other
outfits that suit you better,’ you
can be honestandsensitive.
But again, only if your input
has been asked for.”
Got tact? Proceed.Step 4:Is your opinion
truly being
asked for?
Oftenwe’lljumpstraightto
giving someone a piece of our
mind before figuring out if that
iswhatthey’rereallyafter–
or if they’re merely wanting
to vent, no reply required. Inthis case, any response will
be considered unwanted. If
afriendstartsaconversation
with,“Mycolleagueisreally
f*cking grinding my gears,”
before telling your friend you
think she’s being a dramatic
biatch, ask if she’s just getting
something off her chest.
Bradley suggests you let
them speak and then ask, “Are
youventing?Ordoyouwant
me to say what I think?” You’ll
getafairideaofwhatthey’re
after in the way of your opinion
very fast, without shattering
dreams and friendships. Read
the room before proceeding.Curveball:Approaching
adelicatesitch
What if your friend has a new
man who is of less use to her
thanaVHSplayer?Mostofus
would want our mate to know
they’re dating a Tom Cruise.
Don’tbelikemostofus.Be
mindfulofhowyouapproach.
“Ifyou’retalkingabout
someone who isn’t a close
friend,thenI’dkeepoutofit,”
Bradley advises. “With a close
friend, you’ll probably know
them well enough to know
their reaction. You’re weighing
up the risks, you know their
historyandifthey’realoser
magnet, I’d stay out of it.”You still want to be there
for her, though, yeah? If you’ve
checkedofftheprerequisites
for opening your mouth, best
thingtodoisexpressconcern,
rather than opinion. Just say
something as simple as, “Is
everything OK? I’m worried
aboutyou,”butstopbefore
diving into any problems you
see within their relationship,
or that you “heard” he was
with another girl. Because you
don’t have proof and that is a
jerkythingtodo.If you’re on the
receiving end
You’ve been blasted with an
opinion that wasn’t asked for
anditgotyouinthefeels.But
you know the clapback of “I’m
just being honest” is loaded
into the catapult should you
letthespeakerknowhowyou
feel about their truth bomb.
“If you don’t care, say, ‘Well
I didn’t ask for your opinion,’”
Bradley says. “If it’s someone
close to you, let the moment
pass before responding. Say,
‘I’m sure you didn’t mean it to
be offensive, but that hurt my
feelings. So next time, if I want
asolutionoranhonestopinion
Iwillaskforit.’It’sOKtosay
that in a text or email, too.”
Nowgoforthintothewide
world, you honest and lovely
lasses.Mel Evans#COSMOPOLITANNovember 2016 105