imgcredit_ALL_CREDIT_GUTTER-rightProof That Legal
Weed’s a Good Idea
Country legend Wil-
lie Nelson is launch-
ing his own cannabis
brand, Willie’s Reserve.
Can’t wait for the
“We will sell no weed
before its time” com-
mercials starring the
red-headed stranger.Proof That Legal
Weed Might Be
Terrible After All
A 53-year-old dad
in Omaha stumbled
upon pot brownies
made by his adult chil-
dren, ate four of them,
and ended up calling
the family cat a “bitch.”Best Sign We May
Not Be Entirely
Screwing Up Boys
Disney princesses
may not be the best
role models for girls,
but a BYU study found
that for boys, they
provide “a needed
counterbalance to
the hyper-masculine
superhero media.”But Girls? Yeah,
We’re Still Messing
With Their Heads
Discovery Girls, a
magazine for preteens,
ran a story titled
“What Swimsuit Best
Suits You?” Readers,
some as young as
8, were asked to
assess their bodies:
Were they “curvy on
top,” “straight up and
down,” or “rounder in
the middle?” A little
young for that. It’s just
like that episode of
Sesame Street where
Big Bird told kids
about the letter P, for
“Would it kill you to lose
a few pounds?”Best Example of
How Technology
May Save Us All
Stan Larkin, a 25-year-
old Michigan man,
lived for 17 months
without a heart. As he
waited for a transplant,
his artificial heart was
powered by a portable
driver in a backpack.Never Mind,
Technology Will
Destroy Us
One-fifth of genetics
research papers
were incorrectly auto-
corrected by Microsoft
Excel, which con-
fused gene labels with
dates and random
digits. And you thought
your phone’s auto-
correct was annoying.Most Shocking
Reiteration
of the Obvious
Asked if there was
any link between
football-related head
trauma and neuro-
degenerative diseases
like CTE, Jeff Miller,
the NFL’s senior vice
president for health
and safety, said: “The
answer to that ques-
tion is certainly yes.”Least Surprising
Backpedaling
from the Obvious
The NFL released a
statement just hours
after Miller’s admis-
sion, claiming that “a
lot more questions
need to be answered.”
Hey, NFL, pro tip:
Maybe it’s not the best
idea to be stealing
corporate denial
tactics from the Philip
Jackson Lee/Splash News (Kardashian), Westend61/Getty Images (handstand), Serge Hoeltschi/13 Photo/Redux (Spider-Man), Bennyartist/Shutterstock (torn paper) Morris playbook.
YOU’LL LIVE LONGER
IF YOU DON’T EAT CRAP
People who eat a bal-
anced diet will likely live
longer, say researchers
at Tokyo’s National Cen-
ter for Global Health
and Medicine. So much
for the “just eat a lot
of junk food and hope for
the best” diet plan.BEING HOT CAN
MAKE YOU CRANKY
Researchers at Brandeis
University found that
when temperatures
become too warm, it
“reduces emotional well-
being.” We’re looking
forward to the follow-
up: When it gets cold,
people wear coats.SPIDER-MAN
DOES NOT EXIST
A human would need
about 40 percent of
his body to be covered
in sticky footpads, or
“impossibly big feet,” to
be able to climb a wall
like Spider-Man. So say
scientists at the Univer-
sity of Cambridge.SKIPPING SECURITY
MAKES YOU HAPPY
Two-thirds of business
travelers surveyed who
used TSA’s PreCheck
at the airport said they
were satisfied. Appar ently
the other 34 percent felt
neglected that strang ers
weren’t looking through
their medicine.PLAYING TETRIS
LEADS TO LESS FUN
British and Australian
researchers have dis-
covered that just three
minutes of playing the
tile-matching puzzle can
reduce urges for drugs,
sex, alcohol, food, and
other things that all the
cool kids are doing.HOTTEST
SEX TREND
The #freethenipple campaign!
Launched in 2012 to promote
the Equal Rights Amendment, it
really perked up in 2016, with Kim
Kardashian and Rihanna flaunting
their areolas and New Hampshire
voting against a bill banning
female nipple exposure.
Gender equality never
looked so good.DUMBEST NEW
EXERCISE OBSESSION
Walking on your hands! Why?
Beyond impressing Instagram
followers, it doesn’t offer much.
Exercise physiologist Pat Davidson,
Ph.D., says it can injure shoulders,
has very little muscle-building or
fat-burning benefit, and won’t
make you better at anything
other than handstand
walking.