Womens_Health_Australia_December_2016

DECEMBER 2016 womenshealth.com.au 137

I don’t remember the accident but I’ve heard the story so

many times I can tell you exactly what happened. Mum was

pregnantandfeelingsick.Sherushedtothebathroomand

left you on the floor. A curious 15-month-old baby, you crawled

over to the heater. Your dress caught fire and flared within

seconds.Morethan26percentofyou,includingyourface,

was covered in third-degree burns.

Manyoperationsfollowedandyouspentyourearlyyearsin

and out of hospital. Probably the first memories I have of

the whole situation are of skin grafts at age seven. I was old

enough then to remember the pain and the recovery. How

intimately I became acquainted with medical procedures.

Iremembertakingstitchesoutofyou.

Whilethehospitalisaplaceofdreadformany,ifI’mhonest,

Body, I remember feeling relieved when you needed to go there. In the hospital,

everybodywasinthesameboat.Allofusweresick,orsomethingwasdifferent

aboutus.Andyougotchocolatemilk.ButmostlyIlikedgoingtohospitalfortwo

reasons.Firstofall,Ifeltspecial.Secondly,itwasarespitefromalltheteasing.At

schoolthekidscalledyouScarface.Youweren’tinvitedtoparties.Itwasdifficultto

makefriendsbecauseIwasashamedofthewayyoulooked.Whowantstohangout

with the awkward lonely girl? When the teen me gazed in the mirror I saw you as

“ugly,ugly,ugly”.Iremembergoingsofarastothink,“WhyamIhere?”.

As an adult I’ve had to put a lot of effort into healing my relationship with you and it

hasn’tbeeneasy.SomeofthemethodsItriedcausedmoreharmthangood.Ihad

a couple of one-night stands and, while this did heal some part of me by helping me

realise men did find you desirable, it also highlighted the fact that they didn’t want to

have a relationship with you. That left me feeling empty and sick to my stomach. It

wasarealhijackingofwhoIamasawomanandI’msorryIputyouthroughthat.It

didmakemerealisethat,nomatterhowyoulook,IstillhavechoicesaboutwhoIam

andwhatkindofpersonIwanttobe.

In my late 20s and early 30s, things changed. I have so much more appreciation for

you and what you have achieved. Looking back, just making it through high school

was a huge accomplishment for me. Now I consider myself very successful. I’m a nurse

andIlovemywork.Iknowthatalotofmyempathyandcompassioncomesfromthe

accident so I can see the blessing in it, and not just the tragedy. You remember, on

some really deep level, what it means to be treated with respect and dignity when

youwerephysicallysuffering,andthatissomethingIcanoffertomypatients.

Even now, Body, my relationship with you is uneasy at times. There are days when

Icannothelpbutfocusonyourscars,flaws,imperfections.Youaresofarfromthe

beauty ideal we are bombarded with that it’s hard to love you for what you are. But

ItryandIamgettingbetteratitallthetime.Icansaythatyouareprettyormaybe

attractive, but I would never use the word ‘beautiful’ to describe you. My friends

would,though,becausetheycanseeallofyou,insideandout,inawaythatisstill

hardforme.ButI’llgettheresomeday.

I love where I am in my life and I wouldn’t be here without you. Sometimes it’s hard

nottofeelit’sunfairorask“Whyme?”,butItrustthereisabiggerplanformylife,

betterthananythingIcouldimagine.Andasyoucarrymethere,Iloveandappreciate

youinwaysthat,whenIwasyounger,Iwouldneverhavebelievedwerepossible.WH

Dear Body,

Love, Beatric e

BEATRIC E,

31, SUFFERED

BURNS TO

26 PER C ENT

OF HER BODY

WHEN SHE

WAS A BABY

WORDS MEGHANN BIRKS & TARA ALI. PHOTOGRAPHY: GETTY IMAGES. ILLUSTRATIONS: ANGIE REHE/THE ILLUSTRATION ROOM

ISSUE

THE

#stronghealthyyou