100 ^ Cosmopolitan ^ DECEMBER 2016
into the camera with some
prettifying app enhancing
their plump features? The rare
snippets of wisdom include
big sis Kim saying, “This filter
makes me want to lighten my
eyes,” and Kylie explaining how
different her famous pillow
lips look when she is pouting
and when she is not. But can
you really blame her? In the
world of reality TV – which
clocks up ratings the more you
expose your life on camera- self-involvement is a job
prerequisite. The more you can
show off, the better.
And it’s not just celebrities
confusing self-confidence
with self-importance. Thanks
to apps like Snapchat, we’re
all guilty of posting one too
many duck-faced selfies, and
even have our own language
to describe the different Insta-
poses that will get the most
likes. We’re convinced that
everyone wants to know every
minute detail about our life:
Whether it’s cryptically posting
that we’re feeling blue (“you
okay, hun?”), ‘gramming our
dinner or setting the internet
alight with self-conscious life-
affirming quotes (which, let’s
face it, we stole from Pinterest).
Research from Diego
State University psychologist
Jean Twenge, author of The
Narcissism Epidemic: Living
in the Age of Entitlement,
would suggest that we are
drowning in a sea of me, me,
me. In a 2012 study, she found
that millennials were more
concerned with goals relating
to self-acceptance, affiliation
and community, compared
with previous generations.
Sander van der Linden from
the Department of Psychology
at the University of Cambridge
is a world expert on narcissistic
behaviour. He argues that
self-obsessed behaviour has
become normal—and the
Kardashians could be to
blame. “People often want to
be like or imitate others they
admire. If people observe
celebrities behaving in a
grandiose, self-loving manner,
they might assume that this is
an appropriate way to act.”
But this is not necessarily
a bad thing, he adds. “Sure,
we live in the age of self-
promotion, the selfie-stick and
talent shows. Perhaps people
have indeed become more
obsessed with themselves. But
what if this is simply the new‘normal’? What if being a little
more self-congratulatory is a
new social norm? Can we then
really say that more than half
the population is suffering
from ‘narcissism,’ or is it simply
that our definitions of ‘normal’
and ‘narcissism’ have shifted
upward, so that self-promotion
and expressing ourselves in
increased socially visible ways
is now simply considered
‘normal’?”
Psychologist Dr. Annie
Crookes says that, while
Instagram and Snapchat are
useful tools for the show-offs
among us, she doesn’t believe
social media is spawning
a generation of narcissists.
“Social media has meant that
we think and manage how we
present ourselves to others
far more than before. This
makes us self-conscious, but
not necessarily narcissistic.
Narcissism is much more than
simple vanity—it encompasses
traits of selfishness, attention
seeking, lack of empathy and
manipulation. While there are
statistical links between the
rise of narcissistic personality
traits in the general population
and the rise of social media
use, it is likely that social media
is more of a vehicle for those
with narcissistic traits—a
convenient way for them to
feed their drives.”
The distinction comes,
she says, in the intention of
your posts. Take the case of
a tragedy, like the death of
singer Prince. While lots of
messages posted on Twitter
and Facebook expressed
sadness and thoughts and
prayers for his family, singer
Rita Ora focused on her own
relationship with the singer
and how his death had affected
her directly; a fact that was
later called out by fellow singer
Lily Allen
who sniped ‘Pics or it
never happened.’ *
Annie explains, “In one
respect, ‘owning’ a celebrity
death is to put the attentionback onto you; it is not to
show public sympathy, but
to consider only how it has
affected you and to believe
that this is more important
than the direct suffering of
those involved. This could be
a sign of someone with a more
narcissistic trait. But those
who discuss tragedies with the
intention of showing support
are more outwardly focused
and using social media as an
attempt to show solidarity
rather than simply to gain
attention.”
She adds, “Similarly, you
may be posting life-affirming
quotes because these are
things you found helpful
and are wanting to share
them with others. However,
if you are posting them with
the intention of showing off
about your own ‘wellness’
with the intention of gaining
acknowledgement and
perhaps showing superiority
over others, then this is more
likely to be narcissistic. So the
intention is important.”
Not that a strong sense of
self is not vital, on the contrary,
says Van der Linden. “It is
very important for people
to have a strong and healthy
sense of self-esteem and self-
worth. Our concept of ‘self ’
or ‘self hood’ is a defining
feature for most people.
The key lies in being able to
differentiate a healthy sense of
self-appreciation from serious
delusions of grandiosity and a
warped sense of self-love.”
He adds, “One defining
hallmark of the narcissistic
personality includes a serious
lack of empathy towards other
people. Collective narcissism
can be detrimental to society
in the sense that it may make
people less kind and less
willing to care for and help
others in need.” (Hides
selfie stick)social media has
meant that We think
and manage hoW We
present ourselves
to others far more
than before
you you you
*rita dishEs on thE pitfalls of famE
on pagE 142