150 ^ Cosmopolitan ^ DECEMBER 2016
p rop stylist: rob strauss studiofeature
she had a bizarre secret:
She hadn’t had any of the
pregnancy losses she’d
written about. In truth, she
didn’t exist.
In the real world, “Anna” is
a 40-something former nurse
and an adoptive mother of
two. Like a catfish dater, she
created fake identities by
lifting photos from strangers’
social media accounts.
But in this case, she usedpregnant women’s images to
prey on women who’d had
miscarriages.
“My neighbors would be
shocked,” admits Anna, who
prefers not to reveal her real
name. We were sitting on
her porch in a New England
suburb while her husband
was at work and her kids
in school. Her family was
unaware of my visit and of
her obsession with lying on
the internet. “People who
live in an upper-middle class
suburb and have a master’s
degree, a husband and two
children,” she says, “don’t do
this sort of thing.”fir st met Anna more
than two years ago,
through Marc
Feldman, MD, a
psychiatrist in Alabama. Dr.
Feldman has written several
books on what is officially
called factitious disorder—
when someone pretends to be
sick or literally makes herselfsick or imposes symptoms on
someone else (usually a child).
The more familiar term is
Munchausen syndrome.
Sufferers have been known
to inject themselves with
bacteria, drink drain cleaner
or stab themselves. Some
have falsified medical
histories in order to get
unnecessary mastectomies.
Factitious disorder accounts
for an estimated 1 percentof all hospital patients,
according to the American
Psychiatric Association.
Every year, Dr. Feldman
hears from nearly 300 people
with concerns about those
who appear to be faking
illness—online, off line, and
increasingly, both.
Dr. Feldman has termed it
Munchausen by Internet.
It’s a new twist on an old
aff liction, one that strikes
primarily young women, he
says, especially those who
work in the health field. He
has seen this phenomenon
destroy women’s lives
while sapping the energy
and empathy of those they
connect with: “One person
told me being fooled by
someone else’s illness is akin
to being emotionally raped.”
People who lie about
their health online are often
drawn there by legitimate
medical concerns, Dr.
Feldman says. They are
surprised and comforted by
the community they find.“In typical cases, the poser
is delighted by the support,
and there is a change—they
start to lie, claiming perhaps
that their illness has been
confirmed by doctors, they
have a particularly severe
case or they are terminal,” Dr.
Feldman says. “All anyone
has to do is roll up a chair
and the world is waiting for
them.”
The point isn’t to scam
people for money or gifts.
What’s stolen is time—from
people who, in some cases,
don’t have much time left.
In one case documented in
Dr. Feldman’s research, a
woman joined an internet
list claiming to suffer from
chronic fatigue syndrome,
and also posed as her sister-
in-law who had the condition
as well. She eventually
pretended her sister-in-law
committed suicide because
group members had not
been supportive enough. In
another episode, a woman
joined a cancer support
group, also posting as her
own husband and daughter,
who gave “updates” during
a grueling 12-hour surgery.
After one of the group’s
members guessed the truth
and the woman confessed
to lying, Dr. Feldman
wrote in the journal WJM,
it had a profound effect.
“Some members became
globally suspicious and
started accusing others of
deception....Others expressed
feelings of shame and hurt
about having been duped.”
After Anna was outed as
a fake on BabyCenter, the
group’s members reeled at the
betrayal. “I found out
I lost my baby yesterday,”
one wrote. “It’s horrible that
someone would do this. We
are all grieving.”n na’s
fake life
started in May- She was
homeschooling
and got bored waiting
while her child completed
assignments. To pass
the time, she went on
BabyCenter’s boards, first
pretending to be Kelly, a
40-year-old in her first
trimester, then Anna—
beautiful, thin and happily
married. “She was everything
I wasn’t,” she says now.
Anna told me she had
suffered miscarriages, two
of them, but that was years
earlier. “Pretending to be
pregnant and miscarrying
helps me work through my
grief,” she says. She is full of
resentment—of a childhood
with parents who she says
didn’t give her what she
needed and an adult life
struggling with infertility. “I
am insanely jealous of anyone
who is pregnant or who has
a biological child,” Anna
says. “I walk away from my
children’s playgroups when
people start talking about
being pregnant.” She has cut
ties with pregnant friends and
avoids baby showers.
Online, Anna dipped into
a few groups, but the one she
connected to most was for
miscarriage, stillbirth and
infant loss. “They were so nice
and felt really bad for me,
especially after my second
fake miscarriage,” she says.
“I felt good when people said,
‘I’ve been thinking about
you.’” She made close friends,
which made it hard to stop.
That wasn’t all. Anna claims
one of her children has severe
behavioral problems. “I
needed an escape,” she says.
i
a
oFFline, anna haD a bizarre
secret: she haDn’t haD
any oF the pregnancy losses
she’D written about.