Cosmopolitan_SriLanka_December_2016

Cosmopolitan ^ DECEMBER 2016 ^155

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logy

Despite countless hints – and direct links to

Pins – he once again failed to give you what

you want. Two dudes explain.

5 REAL

REASONS

GUYS

GHOST

On our first date, we clicked,

we kissed and we stayed

out till 2. But a week later, I

didn’t feel it, whatever “it” is. I

know I should have called her,

but I chickened out. I didn’t ghost

[suddenly vanish] her, but I did The

Fade—my texts became

sporadic, vague...until,

eventually, I didn’t write

back. I know women

hate this move. It gives no closure,

and it isn’t fair. So here are five clues

as to why a guy might disappear.

he concluDes

that you’re not a

match. In the back

of my brain lives a tiny

hobgoblin. He asks

things like “What if you

meet someone better?”

and “Doesn’t she

have weird elbows?”

Sometimes, I’m able to

silence the hobgoblin.

Sometimes, he wins.

If I conclude (fairly or

unfairly) that we’re not

a match, I stop making

an effort. Ghosting is a

type of white lie. Not

ideal, but not malicious.

Don’t worry, not

every guy ghosts.

Several of my buddies

swore it wasn’t their

style. Also, it’s not

just a guy thing. I

recently went out with

a girl I really liked—

she’s irreverent, hot

and makes obscure

references! We laughed

for hours and made

out. The hobgoblin

asked his questions,

but I shut him up. The

next day, I texted her,

telling myself this is a

woman I would never

ghost. I never heard

from her again.

pResent (im)peRfeCt

Why do guys...give

such bad gifts?

so you just unwrapped a pair of antique mickey and minnie

mouse salt and pepper shakers...and you’re having trouble

processing. here’s what happened: he was either over- or

under-thinking it. an under-thought present is easy to

explain. instead of taking the time to shop for a present,

we leave ourselves just long enough to buy a gift, any gift.

that’s why we end up rushing around the store and making

snap decisions with our unrefined senses of taste.

overthinking is a different problem entirely. we hear your

hints, but we opt to surprise you with something we think

you’ll love even more. that’s why we buy perfumes you hate

or tickets to events you’d never attend. we know we’d be

better off getting the gift you said you wanted, but then we

don’t get to gift you with something you’d never thought of!

don’t judge our gifts too hard though. the pressure of

picking out something perfect – because ultimately, we

care! – can affect our judgment. and really, who doesn’t

love mickey and minnie?

1

he meets someone

else. It’s simple and

brutal, but it happens.

A 29-year-old financial

analyst told me,

“Yeah. I’ve done it. It’s

because a better girl

came along.” Cold, bro.

2

he wants to save

his image. Men are

crowd-pleasers. So

while we’re figuring

out our feelings, we’re

still working hard. If

we decide to bolt, we

don’t know what to

say without ruining our

image as the fun guy

or good guy, which

leads some men to

simply disappear.

3

he got hurt. “I’ve

ghosted because a girl

did something I found

inconsiderate,” says a

34-year-old writer. “If

I don’t feel like putting

in an effort to work

through it, I move on.”

5

he’s insecure.

“This girl I dated would

always want to pay

for dinners since she

earned more,” says

a 29-year-old brand

manager. “Once, she

started secretly paying

waiters before I could, I

wanted out. My ego got

in the way of actually

telling her why I

stopped talking to her.”

4

love lust