158 ^ Cosmopolitan ^ DECEMBER 2016
i magE: t amara schlesingerhave a questioN you
desperately waNt
aNswered?
reaCh out to us at
[email protected]Body Q&A
Q/ i’m coming up on
30, and i’ve heard
that’s when women
reach their sexual
peak. What does that
mean exactly?
a / Assigning a sexual
peak to any age is pretty
much BS, says sex
therapist Laura Berman,
PhD, author of Quantum
Love. And thank
goodness, because there
are lots of times when
we feel more turned on
than others, like that
rush of sexiness you feel
when you start dating
someone new. And even
though your estrogen
and testosterone levels
begin to drop as you age,
both are just
physiological predictors
of arousal, and “sex is
about so much more
than a physiologic urge,”
says Berman. “In your
20s, desire might come
from spontaneous
horniness, and in your
30s, it can come from
that too but also from
connecting with your
partner.” So basically,
keeping things hot is a
matter of the brain, not
the birthday.Q/ i’ve had a lot of
unprotected sex and
have never gotten
pregnant. i’m
convinced i’m
infertile. is there any
way to know?
a / “You’ve been lucky at
sexual roulette,” says
ob-gyn Alyssa Dweck,
MD, author of V is for
Vagina. But you’re still at
risk for STIs, which,
ironically, can hurt your
fertility. Chlamydia can
lead to pelvic
inflammatory disease,
which may scar fallopian
tubes. As for your
infertility paranoia, Dr.
Dweck says, “With
many women having
children later in life,
some who aren’t even
trying to get pregnant yet
come in saying, ‘Can you
check my fertility?’”
If you’re worried, ask
your gynecologist about
blood tests or a
sonogram. Get tested for
STIs, then keep having
sex—but with condoms.Q/ i love when my
boyfriend gives head.
but when he kisses me
afterward, i don’t like
the way his mouth
tastes! What to do?
a / Holding this in could,
uh, leave a bad taste in
your mouth. Nan Wise,
PhD, suggests saying: “I
love it when you do that,
but I’m not so into
tasting myself on your
mouth.” Then give him a
swig from the lemon
water conveniently
sitting nearby as a palate
cleanser.Q/ how many days
should i wait before i
take a pregnancy test?
i heard you have to
wait a while to get an
accurate read.
a / Even though
advertisements seem to
promise to let you know
you’re pregnant, like, two
days before you even
have sex, it’s worth it to
wait. “Take the test at
least one day after a
missed period,” says ob-
gyn Lauren Streicher,
MD. Any sooner and you
might get wishy-washy
results, especially if you
conceived late in your
cycle and the egg is still
traveling down the
fallopian tube. If the test
is negative and you still
don’t get your period
within a week, take
another one to be sure,
says Dr. Streicher. Keep
in mind that with
drugstore pee sticks, the
time of day that you use
them matters. Do it the
first time you pee in the
morning, when your
urine is concentrated
and you can be positive
that it’s a solid read.Q/ my guy and i are
never turned on at the
same time. he really
loves morning sex and i
always want it late
night. how can we get
more in sync?
a /Try it both ways. You
might find you’re more
into AM action if you
occasionally DVR The Big
Bang Theory and go to
bed earlier. Scientists
have found that the more
sleep women get on a
given night, the stronger
their arousal the next day,
says Justin Lehmiller,
PhD, a social psychologist
at Ball State University
and editor of Sex And
Psychology.com. After a
solid eight hours of quality
sleep, “you may find that
you’re more interested in
sex when you wake up,”
he says. As for selling your
man friend on late-night
lovin’, a super-chill
nighttime routine –
unplugging from email,
having a glass of wine –
could relax him and get
him in the mood to go
all night.Q/ sometimes my
boyfriend gets hard
when i’m crying. he
doesn’t know why it
happens. help?
a / Your tears aren’t
necessarily a turn-on.
He might just feel so bad
that you’re upset, it’s
triggering a physiological
reaction...in his pants.
“Erection for men is a
state of arousal, but it
doesn’t have to be sexual
arousal,” says Nan Wise,
PhD, a cognitive
neuroscientist and
certified sex therapist.
Emotional stimuli –
whether glee, fear or
sweet sympathy – can
also trigger the spinal
reflex that leads to an
erection. Just think: It’s
really hard for him to see
you sad.