104 ELLE AUSTRALIA
Words: Claudia Jukic. Additional words: Laura Collins; Genevra Leek; Amy Starr. Styling: Dannielle Cartisano. Photography: Sevak Babakhani and Pete Daly (still-life); Alamy; Getty Images; Imaxtree; Jason Lloyd-Evans. Illustrations: Julianne Hall at jookiku.comTHE
ELLE
MANUALPARTY
Heels, $1,895,
Aquazzura,
misslouise.com.auTop, $350, By Johnny,
byjohnny.com.auTop, $449,
Carla Zampatti,
carlazampatti.com.auIT’S RARE FOR TODAY’S HASTILY
WHATSAPPED INVITES TO CONTAIN
A CLUE TO DRESS CODE, so arriving
under- or over-dressed to at least
one event is almost certain. Still,
there are few forms of sartorial
shame as acute as entering what
you thought the string of emojis
meant was a casual barbecue (cue
sundress and sandals), only to be
handed a flute of Bolli by a gloved
waiter. Somehow everyone else
knew to dress as the dancing lady
in floor-length scarlet Dolce, but
don’t let your mistake show on
your (blushing) face. Take a long
sip of fizz, smile at each horrified
onlooker then lie. Just this once.
Simply explain to the nearest
partygoer that, of course you
knew this was formal, but you’re
so in demand you have to hop-
skip from one event to the next
and dressing for a single function
is a luxury you just don’t have.WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THE
INVITATION IS TO DINNER, AND
THE HOSTESS ACCEPTS YOUR
OFFER TO BRING SOMETHING,
but the pavlova you had to
phone your mother about andthe good wine you broke your
$30 rule over never appear on
the table? Nothing. You must,
like a vegetarian who forgot to
say so in advance, just deal with
it. Either she’s forgotten it in
the madness, or she’s privately
realised your contribution will
imperil the Instagram-ability of
her entire tablescape, only there’s
no nice way to say so. Don’t make
her. And avoid the upset in
future by not offering in the first
place. If she needs a guest to be
“on guacamole” she can ask, and
when she doesn’t, be the one
who leaves a pot of peonies for
her to find in the morning beside
the mountain of pans.BEING MADE TO PARTY WITH THE
ONE PER CENT – THAT IS, FRIENDS
SIGNIFICANTLY MORE LOADED
THAN YOU – is another scourge
of our times. So as not to do
a month’s rent on one night of
sake-tasting and spontaneous
chopper rides, commit to the
first hour only with any group
containing a Jasper or a Lulu.
When you’ve run through your
pre-determined budget (carried
in cash), feign a misplaced Amex
Black and never come back from
looking for it in the ladies. Leave
instead by whichever means you
cleverly arranged before going
out. Being stuck without a ride is
the most fizzling end to any night
out, and even Ms Post would
have nothing useful to say about
how best to wait, alone and sore-
footed, for an UberX that’s still
13 minutes away.PARTY
PROBLEMS
Where’s Emily Post when you
need her? Just because we now
wear diamonds before 5pm
doesn’t mean the silly season
is without hazards. Confused?
Consult Meg Mason’s guide
to modern mannersIT WAS SO GREAT OF
YOU TO COME... BUT NOW
YOU HAVE TO LEAVE
When the party is over
but your guests just won’t
get the message- THROW TO “THE
GREASE MEGAMIX”
There’s nothing that
heralds the end of a party
like “Greased Lightnin’”.
Hide the drinks trolley in
the rare case this gets
things revved up again. - PUT IN YOUR OWN
NOISE COMPLAINT
Yep, it’s a low blow. But
who’s to know it wasn’t Mrs
Mangel doing her civic duty
by kindly asking the police
to shut things down? - HIT THE SACK
The time it will take for
guests to notice their
hostess with the mostest
has retired for the night
directly relates to their
joviality and number. Be
prepared to pick your way
through snoozing stragglers
come daybreak. q
BOOMERANG-
READY BITS
Boomerang: it’s the looping-
video app that rendered the
basic Instagram snap uninspiring.
Considering the more you can
swish, the better the shot, we’re
looking to oversized ruffles,
jingling coins and fringing
to up our animation game.