44 marieclaire.com.aunever being around, because “she’s
always working”, they’re probably
trying to tell you something.
And one day, I burned out. All I
could do was sleep. Blood tests showed
nothing and the doctor told me it
was simply “exhaustion” – which I’d
always thought was just code for
celebrities strung out on drugs. Turns
out it’s real. And scary.
It was around this time, after losing
weeks of my life to naps
(and Homeland binge-
fests), that marie claire
sent me a copy of Get
Your Sh*t Together by
Sarah Knight (Quercus,
$29.99) and suggested
I try it out to see if
my life transformed.
Divine intervention?
Or did my mother send
an email to marie claire?
Whatever. This sounded like a
challenge that would push me to my
limits – which is exactly what I do
best. Sign me up.ADMITTING I
HAVE A PROBLEM
With my typical “I only do things in
extremes” drive back in action, I
decided (at 3am on a Monday, no less),
that the best way to get started was to
find out how deep my hot messiness
ran. So I sent a group email to friends,
family, ex-housemates, co-workers
and bitter ex-lovers, inviting them to
roast me at their will.
The responses flooded in. I
received a Cadbury Flake, a YouTube
link to Frank Sinatra’s “Call Me
Irresponsible”, various screen grabs of
texts from me bailing out or running
late to events and the following
feedback: “Your inbox gives me anxiety.”
(OK fine, it does sit perpetually at
around 37,091 unread emails.) “You
can’t plan three days ahead.” (Yes sure,
I did jump on a plane to the US with 36
hours notice last year.)
The critiques kept coming. And
coming. “You’re forever stressed.” “You
only pay bills when the envelope is red.”
“You run away.” “You say you’re busy
but you seem to send me way too manyObama and Joe Biden memes than you
should.” “Have you done your tax yet?”
OH, GOD. TAX.
There were more, including an
intense essay from my mum, but after
the life coach incident, you can already
guess how she felt. It hit me like a sack
of doorknobs – I’m a total, utter mess.
So when I found a spare five
minutes a week later, I picked up the
book. The beauty of Get Your Sh*t
Together is that it’s real
talk. For example, Knight
preaches the “Power
of Negative Thinking”,
which is kind of like this:
rather than buying a too-
small Ellery dress with a
mantra of “one day it will
fit”, you instead tell
yourself, “I don’t want to
stare at this dress and feel
like a failure.” Masochistic? A little. But
it kicks your butt into gear.
“Just because you’re doing a ton of
shit all day, every day, does NOT mean
you have your shit together,” informs
my new paperback spirit guide.
In order to set the right goal, the
book tells me, you must first break
down the question, “What is wrong
with my life? And why?” For me, this
came down to a Josef Fritzl-like
relationship with time. I was a prisoner
of my own self-made time dungeon.
Once I got that under control the rest
should fall into line. That was the
theory, anyway ...ORGANISATION
OVERHAUL
The crux of Get Your Sh*t Together is
three simple steps: strategise, focus
and commit. I am terrible at all three of
those things (with fresh shrapnel
clogging up my inbox to prove it). So I
did what was asked. I set a goal: make
more time for life away from a computer
screen, become friends with the clock
and get through the week without
feeling overwhelmed. Then, I broke the
goal down into baby steps, aiming to
address one problem at a time.
Knight declares the biggest no-go
is a “master to-do list”. You know, that
single document of Satan that listseverything you need to achieve in the
next five lifetimes. It’s an instant
stressor. Master lists lead to anxiety.
Anxiety leads to fear. Fear leads to
procrastination. Procrastination leads
to the dark side and boom! Suddenly
you’re 587 days-deep in an Instagram
stalk of your neighbour’s ex-girlfriend’s
best friend’s boyfriend’s holiday in the
Bahamas with his cricket team.
So instead I clustered the baby
steps into priorities: 1. Deadlines for
that week, invoices, daily exercise and
urgent emails. 2. Next week’s deadlines,
social catch-ups, cleaning my house,
organising my computer’s filing system.- Seeing a movie, clearing out my
wardrobe, getting my car serviced.
The idea was to tick off one at a
time so the rest moved up the list.
I used an app called Wunderlist, which
allows you to tag tasks with a deadline
date and create categories (it also
makes a pleasing “ding” noise when
you cross something off. Important).
I was already clocking less floor
time in the foetal position. Win.
Next was establishing an awareness
of how the sun works with the earth’s
rotation. Time. On Knight’s advice,
I started timing tasks – how long it
“My inbox has
37,091 unread
emails. I’m a
prisoner of my
own self-made
time dungeon”Challenge