Empire_Australasia_-_February_2017

ACE VENTURA: WHEN NATURE CALLS CHOSEN BY SIMON PEGG

INT. FAKE RHINO — DAY

Ace (Jim Carrey) has constructed a fake rhino
from which to surveil Burton Quinn (Bob Gunton)
as he has a clandestine rendezvous with a man.

ACE: Meeting secretly with sinister types much?
Ah, not too much. Ah, much too much!

Then the fan packs in. Ace taps it. It’s dead. He
groans, and takes off his shirt.

ACE: Kinda hot in these rhinos.

Time passes. The sun beats down. A now-
naked Ace peels off his underwear with a wet plop.

ACE: WARM!

Simon Pegg: “Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
is not the best film ever made, but it boasts
a sequence so brilliant in execution, so artful in
set up, it deserves recognition. I love the sheer
industry involved in the set-up — a series of
dummy gags used to carry exposition — all
to facilitate a wildly ridiculous visual gag,
executed with expertise by Jim Carrey.”

Sweat pours down his face. But then he sees

Quinn hand the man an envelope.

ACE: I had a dog, and his name was... BINGO!

Quinn and the man go their separate ways.

ACE: Time to get some oxygen.

He turns the wheel to open the door, but

nothing happens.

ACE: No! Come on...

The wheel comes off in his hand. Panicking, Ace

thrusts his shoulder against the exit to no avail.

ACE: MAYDAY!

Now a cable breaks, covering him in fluid. Alarms

begin to sound. Ace gasps for oxygen.

ACE: Must... have... air!

Ace spies a shaft of sunlight behind him.

EXT. BUSH — DAY

From outside the rhino, we see a finger poke out

from a hole in its rear end. Then Ace’s arm appears.

A pair of safari vehicles pull up. A family — dad,

mom, two kids — gets out of the first Jeep.

DAD: Come on, girls! Quiet quiet quiet quiet...

look look look.

Now Ace’s head is pushing against the fabric of

the rhino’s rectum. It looks like...

MOM: Oh look. The mother rhino is giving birth!

Ace’s face emerges, tongue-first. He’s making an

inhuman squalling noise. The mother looks on and

sighs, awestruck. Then, as two arms emerge from

the rhino, she looks concerned. Next is Ace’s head,

as he begins to chew his way out of the rhino.

LITTLE GIRL: Mommy!

Now Ace’s upper half slithers out. He roars like an

angry walrus. The dad gags. Ace then slides out of

the rhino and falls onto the ground in a foetal

position. Completely naked.

LITTLE BOY: Cool!

The boy’s parents don’t agree. They hustle their

kids back into the Jeep.