MY MOVIE
MASTERMIND
Hail, Maria?
Or fail, Maria?MARIA
WORDS SIMON CROOKWhat do you dress up as to seduce Viggo
Mortensen in A History Of Violence?
A cheerleader. You see David Cronenberg’s ilms
and think he’s insane, but he’s the loveliest guy.
That movie was the greatest acting experience of
my life. Hey, here’s a challenge for Empire’s
readers: in one of the bedroom scenes, see if they
can spot the plastic seabass. We had this thing
about hiding ish in various scenes and it got way
out of control.
Correct.2
Which dogs does Jocelyn breed in The
Jane Austen Book Club?
No idea. [Hears answer] Rhodesian Ridgeback?
How can I forget that! My ex is from Rhodesia.
I don’t remember the dogs as much as I remember
the cast. The director [Robin Swicord] made us
do an actual book club and the only person who
read all the books was Maggie Grace. Shameful,
right? I was the worst book club member.
The correct answer is Rhodesian Ridgeback.3
In Assault On Precinct 13, Ja Rule
guesses your star sign. Which is?
Easy — Aries, the same as my own star sign.
Correct.4
In Thank You For Smoking, David
Koechner’s Bobby Jay Bliss tells you
the secret to fooling a breathalyzer. What is
it — and what’s the slogan you create?
I don’t know. It’s crazy to think that was Jason
Reitman’s irst ilm — he was like a baby directorback then. I love those characters: they deserved
their own sitcom spin-off.
The correct answer is by chewing activated
charcoal tablets. The slogan is: “If you must
drink and drive, suck charcoal.”5
In The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon
Emperor, Evelyn asks, “What is that
godawful smell?” What is it?
Yak shit? No, wait... Yak sick! “The yak yakked!”
Correct.6
In Lights Out, you enjoy a movie night
with your son. Which film do you watch?
You got me there. [Hears the answer] Auntie what?
Never heard of it. We pretended we were watching
the movie while we were shooting then they added
it digitally. You know, I’ve always wanted to see
a ghost. I stayed at the Padre Hotel in Bakersield
where two phantom girls walk the hallways, and
set the alarm for 3am. They didn’t show up.
The correct answer is Auntie Mame.7
“Slow down, honey” is a line from which
of your movies?
The Cooler? No? [Hears the answer] It was Grown
Ups? People still talk about that scene because
I’m breastfeeding, like, a ive-year-old!
The correct answer is Grown Ups.8
Lil lists her five favourite men in
Coyote Ugly. Who are they?
They’re all liquor. Jim, Jack, Johnny Red, Johnny
Black... and... Argh! José! I was a bartender inthe West Village a year before I was cast in that
movie so I didn’t do any research: I was Lil. I was
the girl running around in cowboy boots, hanging
out at Hogs & Heifers and getting into ights.
Correct.9
When you first hook up with William
H. Macy’s Bernie in The Cooler, you ask
for some music. What record does he put on?
[Starts singing] ‘Luck, be a lady tonight...’ Bill
and me were naked so much on set that we threw
a ‘Show Us Your Ass’ party on the last day. We
had a photobooth and prizes for Most Original
Ass, Hottest Ass, Most Artistic Ass... There’s a
book somewhere of the entire crew’s asses.
Correct.0
Since ER, you’ve played two doctors.
Which films do they appear in?
I was a psychiatrist in Assault On Precinct 13.
What the fuck was the other one? [Hears answer]
Demonic? I’ve still not seen that ilm!
Half a point. The correct answer is Dr Alex
Sabian (Assault On Precinct 13) and Dr
Elizabeth Klein (Demonic).MARIA BELLO SCORES 5.5
“I have a terrible memory. People ask me what
I ate for lunch yesterday and I don’t even
remember that. But that was fun.”LIGHTS OUT IS OUT NOW ON DVD, BLU-RAY
AND DOWNLOAD.?
A BELLO
ALAMY, ALLSTAR, REX FEATURES
Ben Kingsley 9.5
Christopher Lee 9.5
David O. Russell 9.5
Quentin Tarantino 9.5
Robert Rodriguez 9
Guillermo del Toro 9
Werner Herzog 9
Christian Slater 8.5
Bryan Singer 8.5
John Waters 8LEADER
BOARD