72 MAY 2017
them. The boy had a pair of shoes his
dad had given him. They smelt so
bad but they were his most precious
possession. He would hug them and
get anxious when he lost them.”
“These children need great male
role models. I make a real effort to
bring good men into the house.”
She’s found a wonderful role
model in her husband, Michael
Chung. They met 20 years ago on a
phone line dating service. She gives
an embarrassed laugh as she tells
me this. It turns out her children
encouraged her to try the service. It
proved to be a winner. Marge and
Mike have been married for 15
years. “He’s the best thing I’ve ever
had in my life besides my children. He takes
everything in his stride.”
Mike shares Marge’s big warm, generous heart.
Three years ago some little boys came into their
lives. They came initially for short-term care. The
baby was just two days old and suffering from
severe jaundice. “He looked like a little yellow
bumble-bee,” Marge says. It turned out there was
no one who could take the boys together. The
little brothers would have had to be split up. So
Marge and Mike have given them a home. A
photo of them, sporting the broadest of smiles,
lights up the living room wall. “Sometimes I think
with my heart,” Marge explains simply.
“Sometimes children freak out. When Mike
goes to work they say, ‘Where’s Mike going? Why
is he going to work?’ Many of them have never
known a man to go to work. They say, ‘Why is he
kissing you [before he leaves for work]? What’s
he done? Is he going off to get drunk?’
“None of them have had routine in their lives.
Most of them have come from chaos and
madness, that’s all they know, so for the first few
days I just observe them. And then gradually they
come to understand that we get up in the
morning and brush our teeth, then we have
breakfast and go to school. We make time for
talking together.”
With Marge, these children have a refuge from
the chaos until they are placed in a “home for
life”. A home for life is not a full adoption. They
still have contact with their birth parents.
She makes a real effort to teach them manners.
“In life you need manners. Please and thank you.
Their thank yous are so genuine. “I teach them
about respect.”
How does she gain the trust of these children?
“They know I’m always here, I’m straight-up,
I’m staunch. I will always listen to them and give
them the benefit of the doubt. I’m in
their corner. If they have trouble at
school I go in to bat for them.”
She’s well aware of the perils of
labelling children. “They’ll say,
‘We’re dumb eh? Cos we’re CYFS
kids’. ‘Are you?’ I’ll say. ‘You are
only what you think you are. Marge
thinks you’re awesome.’
“We had one little kid with a
wonky eye and he came home from
school having been teased about
his eye. I told him, ‘If that’s all they
can see, they’re missing out on
something beautiful.’”
Many of the children have terrible
nightmares when they first arrive.
It’s Marge who gets up to comfort
them. “I have a little bag of glitter. I call it my
monster dust. I tell the children, monsters don’t
like pretty things, so we sprinkle the monster dust
in their doorways and it helps keep the monsters
away. It’s a pain in the vacuum cleaner though!”
Marge and Mike have a daughter together,
Michelle, a striking 17-year-old with a gentle
grace about her. It was Michelle’s idea that the
family should open their home to needy children.
She came home from school one day with a
Lifewise brochure about fostering children.
Lifewise is an Auckland-based community social
development organisation. Its roots trace back
more than 150 years in the Methodist Church.
Michelle is caring for the baby, feeding and
playing with him while Marge and I talk. She
wants to be a nurse. Caring, it seems, comes as
naturally to her as it does to her mother.
Marge finds it hard when her little charges
move on to permanent placements. “It really gets
me, every time. I hate to see them go, but I never
cry around the child. It’s tough. I don’t normally
stay in touch for their sake. They need to settle in
to their new life.
“The kids keep me going. I’m blessed I get so
much from them. I learn new things every day.
I hope I give them love and inner peace. I want
them to get their childhood back.
“Children can be great if they have great people
to follow.”
Marge’s hope is that more people will become
foster parents. “Put your hand out and help a
child out if you can. These kids may not be from
our blood, but they’re from our heart.”AWWIf you are interested in becoming a foster parent
or wish to support Lifewise’s work, email
[email protected], visit lifewise.org.nz, or
call (09) 818 6834.“
None
of them
have had
routine
in their
lives.Most
of them
have
come from
chaosand
madness,
that’s
all they
know.”
ABOVE: Marge
hopes that more
people will
become foster
parents. PHOTOGRAPHY BY HELEN BANKERS. HAIR AND MAKE-UP BY JULES ARMISHAW.