LIFE
JUNE 2017COSMOPOLITAN 161
Asking a friend
“How much do you
make?” seems crass,
but our survey says
more than 70 per-
cent of you want to
talk salaries and
more than half want
to have a better han-
dle on investing and
finance. Sallie Kraw-
check, cofounder
and CEO of Ellevest,
a women-focused
investment platform,
suggests starting a
conversation with
intention: “Host a
Money Night with
friends. Say, ‘There’s
going to be wine,
and we’re going to
get financially naked
and talk about how
we got the raise, how
we’re saving, and
how we’re invest-
ing.’” If we are going
to bust the gender
pay gap, which a new
study says won’t close
until 2044, we need
to change it up. “Not
talking about money
has gotten women
where we are, which
is that we don’t have
as much money as
guys do.” Krawcheck
adds, “Get. Over. It.”Let’s be clear: Drive is a
good thing. And ambi-
tion shouldn’t have
anything to do with
other people. “Own
your strengths,” says
Shelley Zalis, CEO
of The Female Quo-
tient. “Women need
to feel confident
that their leader-
ship matters. Pulling
away from the pack
is scary, yet it’s also
rewarding because it
means you’re going to
bring change.” That
said, it can be hard to
separate your dreams
from your BFF’s,
and according to our
survey, more than
50 percent of women
are concerned
their aspirations are
too big or too small.
Let’s lose the idea
that there’s a correct
amount of determi-
nation. No matter
how different your
goals are from
your squad’s, don’t
try to fix each other.
“Bring empathy and
understanding to the
conversation,” says
Zalis. “Only apologize
if you’re not being
who you really are.”“Everything is so polarized, I would rather just keep quiet,” confessed one survey respon-
dent. But these days, ignoring what’s happening in politics would be like—yep—ignoring
the big red elephant in your living room. Letting disagreement simmer without addressing
it can breed resentment, even in your closest relationships. Instead, try to engage by asking
questions that stem from a desire to understand rather than trying to force a consensus,
says Ana Marie Cox, MTV News’ senior political correspondent and the host of the podcast
With Friends Like These. “When you enter the conversation thinking you want to change
somebody’s mind, you can be perceived as condescending,” she explains. “Showing genuine
curiosity about the way a friend or family member feels is going to lead to a conversation
that’s not oppositional. So, for example, if your uncle makes a homophobic joke, you can
say, ‘Hey I’m curious, where did you hear that? Does it ref lect your own experience?’”“I’m super driven,
but my friends
are not. How do
I own my ambition
without being
judged?”“Talking about
money has always
stressed me out,
so I never ask
questions and have
no idea what
I’m doing. Where do
I even start?”ADDITIONAL REPORTING BY JESSICA GOODMANGETTY IMAGES