SOMETIMES,
THAT SPECIAL
SPARK TAKES
A VACAY.162
EVERYTHING
CAN’T ALWAYS
BE UNICORNS AND
RAINBOWS.
PERMISSION TO
HAVE (AND VOICE)
ALL THE FEELS,
GRANTED.Friendships deliver
lots of joy, which is
why we invest so
heavily in them—and
also why we freak
when things seem
off. But you can’t be a
good BFF when you’ve
got nothing left to
give. If planning too
many hangs leaves
you overwhelmed,
take a pass. “In a
friendship, you can
only control your ownbehavior,” says Sarah
Knight, author of
The Life-Changing
Magic of Not Giv-
ing a F*ck. “A n d
you shouldn’t spend
your energy worry-
ing about things you
can’t control.” As
long as you’re being
honest (and not f lak-
ing at the last min-
ute), it’s okay to put
yourself first some-
times. If things get
frosty when you’re
up-front about your
needs, then your
great friend might
not be so great
after all.Thought you could
text GIFs to your
squad while taking
direction from your
boss? Sorry, nobody
is as awesome at jug-
gling tasks as they
think. “We’re not par-
allel processors—our
brains work on one
thing at a time, which
means they flip back
and forth when we’re
trying to multitask,”
says Judson Brewer,There’s so much pressure to be “all good” all
the time that legitimate—and common—men-
tal-health issues such as anxiety and depres-
sion go unacknowledged...even by people who
suffer from them. “You start thinking, Maybe
I’m not depressed...maybe I’m just lazy and
self-indulgent,” says Jacqueline Novak, who
spoke about depression in her memoir, How to
Weep in Public. But that’s why it’s important
to open up to pals you trust. “Part of self-care is
deciding who gets that info and who doesn’t,”
Novak says. And when you’re in a bad place, she
advises using simple, direct language with your
loved ones: “I’m dealing with depression right
now, and I’m truly sorry, but I’m not up for
attending.” While it can feel impossible to open
up, the reward will often far outweigh the risk.
Reaching out to friends and family for support
(in addition to seeking professional help) will
encourage others to confide in you and help you
find those people who share in your struggle.Happiness
MD, PhD, director of
research at the Univer-
sity of Massachusetts
Medical School Cen-
ter for Mindfulness.
In this case, it’s better
to fess up and ask for
clarification than let
your manager leave
thinking she got her
message across. Shoot
her an e-mail and say,
“Just wanted to check
in on what my biggest
takeaway from our
meeting should be.”
Then, train your brain
to be more mindful—
try apps like Head-
space, Smiling Mind,
and Eat Right Now—
and you’ll stop sabo-
taging yourself and be
on top of your biz—at
work and beyond!“Telling my friends I’m having a
dark day is hard. But not
admitting it leaves me feeling
isolated. What do I do?”PRESENTED BY ALLERGAN“The question,
Am I being
a bad friend?
spins through my
mind whenever
I need me-time.
How can I
feel less guilty?”“I was checking
my phone
during a meeting
with my boss and
now I can’t
remember my
assignment. Eek!
Help!”