relationship, per Epstein’s
research. “It was a shock,”
says Epstein of the finding.
“The numbers show it’s
more important than
conflict resolution or stress
management. And it’s
simple.” He’s right—when
you remember details about
someone, they feel special
and loved. For now, practice
on your bestie: Next time you
chat, pick out certain facts
you want to remember and
ask her follow-up questions
about them. If your pal says
she loves Coron, ask about
her earliest memories in the
sand. Putting a detail into
context can help you recall
it in the future (“Look,
Kelly, flights to Coron are
on sale. You can go back to
that beach!”).3.^ Stick it Out
If you bolt at the first sign
of a problem or bail on
plans, a relationship will
be tricky for you. That’s
because commitment is a
top trait of people who rule
at romance. It’s what helps
you get through tough times,
says Epstein. Without it,
something as slight as not
seeing each other for two
weekends could tear you
apart. But how can you build
commitment skills if you’re
not with someone? Easy.
Set other long-term goals
that require your time and
attention. Train for a half-
marathon, or keep a little
garden on your windowsill.
Once you see the rewards that
come with following through,
you’ll know to do the same
with a future mate. “Working
on your commitment muscle
outside a relationship will
make it more natural when
you’re in one,” says Weber.
- Say What
yOu think
The ability to talk about
your needs calmly and
effectively (and listen to
those of your partner)
is the best predictor of
whether you’ll make
a great girlfriend,
according to Epstein’s
research. If you hesitate
to speak up or disagree
with others, then it’s
worth working on your
communication skills.
You want to get to a point
where “there’s a fluid back-
and-forth and you feel
comfortable bringing up a
serious topic,” says clinical
psychologist Jill P. Weber,
PhD, author of Building
Self-Esteem 5 Steps.
Try this: Write a script
for any convos that may
make you lose it, likeconfronting your friend
who flaked or the manager
who passed you up for a
project. Make sure what
you write is calm and
nondefensive (“With a
boss, you could say, ‘I was
hoping I’d be on that. How
can I be considered next
time?’” suggests Weber).
When the time comes,
take a deep breath and say
what you rehearsed. “Once
this is a new norm, you’ll
attract people who are also
good communicators,”
says Weber.2.^ Recall the
little thingS
Knowing personal stuff
(like your future S.O.’s
birthday and Starbucks
order) is the second-
best predictor of how
successful you’ll be in ayour dating profile boasts that you’re a
“damn good plus-one,” there have def
been times when you’ve questioned your
relationship savvy (“Am I cut out for
this?!”), just like everyone else who’s
ever dated. But why wonder when you
can easily work on being a kick-butt
partner while you’re single? Start now
by cultivating these key skills from
psychology researcher Robert Epstein,
PhD, who’s examined the relationship
successes of more than 25,000 people.88 Cosmopolitan • MAY 2017 WWW.COSMO.PH