Cosmopolitan Philippines – May 2017

(^) 4. (^) Dare to Be
VulneraBle
Studies show that opening
up to people—and letting
your authentic self shine—
is clutch for developing a
deep bond with others. But
let’s say it: Putting yourself
out there can be terrifying
AF, especially if it means
potential rejection (eek!).
To get better at baring
it all, get real with those
you know and trust. Epstein
suggests doing a “secret
swap” with a BFF, where
you both reveal something
intimate. You’ll start to
overcome the fear of being
exposed and feel closer
to your friend as a result.
Or request a favor. Ask a
neighbor to pick up soup
when you’re sick, or have
your brother drive you to the
airport instead of Ubering.
Dropping the perfect,
self-sufficient facade will
make it easier for you to be
vulnerable with a partner,
says Weber. It also builds up
your tolerance: After a few
“I’m sorry, I can’t!” replies,
you’ll realize you can handle
a shutdown without it
ruining a whole relationship.
identify his fears
While you can’t make him
commit to you, you can explore
what obstacles may be getting in
his way. “When you sense his
tendency to run for the hills, say,
‘I’m noticing this in you,’” says
Jill P. Weber, PhD. If he starts
talking about his worries, that’s
a great sign he wants to
overcome them.
Once you’re in a relationship (yay!), make sure he hones his own love skills.
ask for a repl ay
Revisit a convo that didn’t
go so well, says Robert Epstein,
PhD. But this time, stay calm and
phrase your POV better (“I get
defensive when you make fun of
me for watching The Bachelor-
ette, so maybe instead you could
suggest we watch something
else together”). Then ask him to
do the same.
Be proactive
Instead of waiting for him
to forget something, be
super clear up front. Say,
“In my last relationship,
my boyfriend spaced on
my birthday and we had a
big fight. I don’t want that
to happen this time, so
here’s the date,”
suggests Epstein.
“this
girlfriend
gig? it’s
a piece of
cake!”
MaY 2017 • Cosmopolitan 89