while he had two drinks, I
downed four.
As things between us
progressed into a serious
relationship, I kept
drinking way more than
anybody should. At first,
my bad habit seemed to
go unnoticed by him. But
almost a year in, he sat me
down and said, “Anna, I’m
really concerned about
your drinking.” The truth:
I was too, but I had no idea
what my life—my sex life,
in particular—would be
like without alcohol.
In fact, says Wils nack,
the number one hesitation
women have about giving up
booze is how it will negatively
impact their sex life. For
many women (myself among
them), sex and alcohol have
gone hand in hand since we
lost our virginity.
My fears led me to a
desperate ploy: To distract
my boyfriend from my
problem, I sweetened
the deal by fulfilling his
every fantasy—but only
during drunk sex. Epic
blow jobs. Butt stuff.
Rough stuff. The tactic
worked for a few months,
until he confronted me
about it. I was busted...
again. So, hard as it was,
I majorly cut back on my
drinking and forced myself
to be sober during sex. It
was challenging, to say
the least—every touch
felt clumsy, and I was
overcome by anxiety about
my body.
In time, however, things
became easier in bed,
and other areas of my life
improved too. The quality
of my sleep got better. I had
actual conversations with
friends instead of fake-
listening because I was too
buzzed to pay attention. I
stopped smoking, which
gave me more energy and
a higher sex drive. These
days, I feel like an active
participant in my sex life,
which has allowed me
to have more and better
orgasms. Looking back,
it’s achingly apparent
that alcohol kept me from
forming solid bonds with
guys I liked. The courage
I once sought was never
swirling inside a cocktail
shaker...I had to find it
within myself.Are You
a Sexual
Drinker?
Take this quiz to see
if you have a healthy
relationship with
alcohol and sex.That hot guy on your app
asks you out. You’re
hoping he takes you:
a. To that adorable
new coffee shop
downtown.
b. To a festival. A
beer, some nachos, and
music FTW!
c. To a dimly lit dive
where I can down vodka
sodas.
When was the last time
that you had totally sober
sex with someone new?
a. The last time I
had sex.
b. Before I started
using Tinder.
c. I honestly can’t
remember.
Work ran late, and you’re
meeting a date in half an
hour. You’re:
a. Running around my
apartment, doing hair
and makeup.
b. Heading straight to
the bar so that
I’ll already be sipping
my first drink when
he arrives.
c. In my kitchen,
chugging wine to avoid
showing up sober.If You AnSWereD
MoSTlY As: In your mind,
drinking and sex aren’t
close bedfellows. Good
news, since you’ll be able
to get a clear sense of
whether or not you have a
real connection with
someone. “When you’re
not drinking before sex,
you know for sure that you
got together because you
liked each other, not
because of beer goggles,”
points out Patrick.MoSTlY Bs: Dating (and
sex) can certainly be
more fun with a bev, and
you know how to strike
the right balance.
“There’s nothing wrong
with getting a little buzz,”
Patrick says, “as long as
you can be intimate while
sober too.”MoSTlY Cs: Awkward
pauses and a stressed-out
state of mind can definite-
ly hinder hot sex. But if
you’re typically drunk
before you even show up
for the date—or get
smashed during it to make
a hookup bearable—
you’re a sexual drinker.
“Once you can’t interact
with a date or enjoy
yourself without being
intoxicated, you’re
crossing the line,” warns
George Koob, PhD,
director of the National
Institute on Alcohol Abuse
and Alcoholism. If this is
you, talking things out
with a therapist can help.
—E.c.j.If You ThInk
You neeD he l p...
Make an appointment
with your doctor to discuss
your drinking habits, or visit
the National Institute on
Alcohol Abuse and
Alcoholism at niaaa.nih.gov.MAY 2017 • Cosmopolitan 93