IT’S THE WEEKEND and
you’re gearing up to tuck into
a stack of f luffy pancakes. The
oil is in the pan, you’ve got the
spatula ready to f lip and the
mixture is ripe for the pour.
You wait for the bubbles to
emerge before sliding the egg
f lip under your half-cooked
first attempt, catching the edge
as you f lip, dragging a trail
of mixture from one side of
the pan to the other as it starts
to smoke under the pressure.
You’re defeated. Still, you wait
10 seconds for it to cook, then
transfer it to a plate and pick
at it until you decide it’s a lost
cause and bin it.
Introducing the newest
metaphor for your dating life:
The Bad Pancake (TBP).WHAT IS THE
BAD PANCAKE?
Like the first pancake you try
to make – a smooshed dough-
ball of nothingness – TBP is
the first person you date after
a serious relationship, destined
to end in epic failure.
‘A bad pancake can never
turn into a proper relationship,’
says Molly Bernard’s character,
Lauren, to Hilary Duff ’s Kelsey
in Younger. ‘It’s pre-destined
to fail.’ So you put your good
guy on the backburner in orderOut of the frying
pan and into the
fire: introducing
the latest dating
term, The Bad
Pancake. But can
we have our cake
and eat it, too?not to squander a diamond in
the rough – and you get your-
self a bad pancake. Easy, no?
Before you rush to a rebound,
Lovehoney’s relationship expert
Annabelle Knight reminds us
we need to be mindful of the
post-relationship grieving
process and what that brings
to a new love – whether it’s
a bad pancake or not.
‘Whether it was you who
ended the relationship or not,
it’s always best to allow some
time to process any residual
emotions,’ she suggests. ‘Quite
often a new person acts merely
as a distraction, which isn’t
fair on them or you.’
But where’s the fun in that,
right? Let’s add a little zest to
this theory with some casual
dating, where the mixture of
dating apps and a perceived
ambivalence towards sex can
create a bad pancake loophole.
And when you’re in dire need
of some f lipping practise, it
could well be the antidote.
‘Casual dating is completely
different to serious dating and
can be extremely useful for
someone looking to move on
from a relationship as it can
rebuild confidence both in
yourself and in dating itself,’
Knight says. ‘Enjoying your-
self with someone on a casual
basis can be a godsend when
you’re feeling low after a bad
break-up, but it’s advisable to
be cautious about throwing
yourself in the deep end too
soon as this can do damage to
your emotional state.’THE FLIP SIDE
Do two bad pancakes make
a stack? To an extent, the ol’
adage, The easiest way to get
over someone is to get undersomeone else rings true in the
theorem of bad pancake law
when you’re both in a similar
frame of mind.
‘If you ended it, you might
really be ready for new love,
since often you’d have been one
foot out of that relationship for
a while before making such a
decision,’ sex therapist Desiree
Spierings says. ‘By the time you
leave you are often more ready
to meet new people – you’ve
already had a grieving period.’
Knight agrees, to an extent,
but warns at some point you’ll
need to address and process
why your relationship ended
in order to learn from it. To
be honest, that is where a bit
of bad pancake could come in
handy. In order to move on
faster, pass your bad pancake
and collect $200, it’s about
setting yourself some limits.
‘Identify what’s working
for you and what’s not,’ says
Spierings. ‘Often you’ll see
people after a break-up still
contacting their ex, or stalkingthem on social media [note:
guilty]. And when they are
honest with themselves this
might make them feel worse.
When you’ve identified what’s
not working, it’s time to set
limits for yourself – like, I will
not contact my ex unless it’s
about unfinished housing or
financial business.’
Before you think getting
yourself a bad pancake is the
secret to relationship bliss,
know these sorts of rebound
f lings are seldom destined to
last. You can limp along, but
ultimately you’ll need the head-
space that only comes with
being on your own for a bit.
‘If you meet someone you
like and wish to pursue after
coming out of a relationship,
then do yourself the courtesy
of giving yourself some time,’
says Knight. ‘The relationship
stands a much better chance
if you both enter it as happy,
emotionally healthy individuals.
Remember: the only baggage
you need to take with you when
you start dating is your clutch
bag.’ Filled with pancakes. #‘ENJOYING YOURSELF
WITH SOMEONE ON
A CASUAL BASIS CAN
BE A GODSEND WHEN
YOU’RE FEELING LOW
AFTER A BREAK-UP,
BUT BE CAUTIOUS’WORDS BY MEL EVANS. ISTOCK
COSMOPOLITAN June 2017 143
love & lust