52 JUNE 2017
their love-making. It gratifies one
of the most basic wishes of a man to
please his partner, gives him a sense
of mastery, and is spontaneously
more erotically charged because it
dispels doubts and holds the man
and his partner in an erotic space,”
Smith says.
With each “Oh yes!” she directs at
you, your sexual confidence is given
a boost. She knows she’s responsible
for you feeling at your peak. She’s
likely to feel more confident too...
and feeling sure-footed enough to
try some fun stuff she’s been too
inhibited to try before. Lucky you.It’s your evolutionary destiny to
let the voice of your inner Tarzan
out. Okay, it may be a stretch to say
that your partner is screaming the
roof off so that everyone knows she
is ovulating, but a 2012 study from
Cleveland State University found
that non-verbal communication of
pleasure during the act predicted
sexual satisfaction. Those cries of
ecstasy are a private language shared
between couples. They create a
feedback loop – the more expressive
one partner is, the more turned on
the other can become,” says Dr Greg
Bryant, an associate professor of
communication studies at UCLA.THOSE WHO PLAY
TOGETHER, STAY TOGETHER
Playing loud is part of the glue that
keeps your noisy neighbours happily
coupled too. Losing your inhibition
with your partner,whether it’s the
words you use, or the volume you say
them at, is one of the great joys of sex,
agrees Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a social
psychologist at Harvard University.
Holding back, on the other hand,keeps you from feeling present in the
moment, which can lower your libido.
But, alas, us Malaysians are at a
disadvantage. Across all our cultures,
we are hamstrung by traditional,
conservative backgrounds (hands
up: how many of you were allowed
a girl in your room with the door
closed as a teenager, or even had a
pep talk from your parents about
sex?). Raised as a nation of prudes,
breaking “taboos” can go against
the grain. So, taking the leap and
unleashing some dirty talk on your
partner demonstrates an element of
trust and intimacy, and could helpstrengthen your bond. It comes
down to whether or not you are ready
to show them your dark side.
“Much erotic energy resides in
the residues of our unconsciousness- in the same place where dreams
and demons can potentially live. So
our sex lives will reflect the shadow
side of our socialised selves,”
Smith says. It takes oodles of trust
to feel safe enough to expose the
bad boy in you, he continues. The
(dirty) communication exchange
is like Velcro for your relationship,
because it breaks down those walls,
one sexy syllable at a time.
What can you assume about your
neighbours when your chandeliers
start to rattle? “They could just
be inconsiderate, and being loud
is the single string in their sexual
repertoire,” Smith says, “but there is
also the strong possibility that their
loud lovemaking is a reflection of an
openness to be creative and engage
with different erotic roles and
scripts, and that they therefore are
enjoying pleasurable sex.”
Perhaps they even get a kick
While I was being all Bridget
Jones about the weekly nookie
happening in my ’hood, and saving
eggboxes to line my walls, it turns
out I should have been listening
closely and educating myself on the
benefits of high-volume sex. Want
to help your partner reach the finish
line sooner, boost your confidence,
create intimacy and bring sexy back
into your life? It’s time to find your
voice, says Dr. Anthony Smith, a
South Africa-based specialist in
sexual medicine.
“The death of sexual excitement
is repetition, monotony, lack of
spontaneity and predictability,”
Smith says. “So anything that
increases a sense of risk-taking,
excitement or danger, can enhance
erotic responsivity. Changing the
sights, sounds and smells of a sexual
experience will throw the brain off
guard, disrupt predictability and
create a new tension, which has
the potential to be more erotically
charged.”
CALL OF THE WILD
Tricking your brain by switching up
the stimuli is one thing, but vocalising
also intensifies the experience for
both partners, says Dr. Kristen
Mark, director of the sexual health
promotion lab at the University of
Kentucky. You don’t need to kick
things off by howling at the moon,
but a well-timed moan when she hits
a hotspot will let her know that what
she’s currently doing to you is great
- and you’d love more of it. It takes
a lot of the pressure off directing
her too. A gasp of sheer delight is a
non-intimidating way for people
to express pleasure, and reassuring
to your partner that they’re ringing
your bell.
If it feels like something that
goes against your nature, take
a leaf out of the book from our
jungle cousins. Female primates
make a variety of copulatory calls,
including sounds while mating to
incite male competition. Males, in
turn, are more likely to ejaculate
when a female makes a noise, says
Dr. Christopher Ryan, author of Sex
at Dawn. How does loud sex make
the ape in you go wild? “Men like to
hear women taking pleasure from
Sex & RelationshipsSex + Relationships
knowing they are keeping their
neighbours up. “The risk and
danger of voyeurism can add to
sexual titillation, and is a common
kink,” Smith says. “Although it may
add to the frisson of excitement, it
can’t be called a true kink, as they
aren’t getting the direct feedback of
knowing they are being heard.”SETTING YOUR
BRAIN ON FIRE
Your sexual vocabulary may make
your eyes water when you think
about it now, but under the sheets
it’s highly appropriate. Your brain
certainly thinks so. So, what exactly
happens when she blurts out some
X-rated dialogue? “Dirty talking
will help activate centres from the
brain that are relatively primitive
and less influenced by the inhibitory
role of the frontal cortex. Most of
the role of dirty talk, though, will
come through the meanings we give“The death of sexual
excitement is repetition,
monotony, lack of
spontaneity and
predictability.”
http://www.mens-health.com.my 53tapped into through meditation.
“Vocalisations increase the rate of
heart-rate and breathing, which
helps to regulate the autonomic
system, distracting from inhibiting
factors – like negative thoughts- and facilitating the flow of
neurochemicals that induce
feelings of pleasure,” Smith says.
“Accompanied by the distracting
focus of producing a sound, our
brains are induced into a state
which is less likely to get hobbled by
inhibiting thoughts.”
THE HIGHS AND LOWS
OF NOISY SEX
You may still need to find your vocal
mojo, but it’s more than likely your
partner already has – and your
muffled moans and clenched teeth
during climax are mismatched
to what comes naturally to her.
Women are more likely to get vocal
during sex than men. Vocalisationscan also help a woman to reach
an orgasm and extend its length- unlike men, a woman will go
through four different stages of
sexual arousal before she has an
orgasm, and these sexy sounds can
help her move through these stages.
Research done by our colleagues
over at Women’s Health also revealed
that 58% of women polled wish that
men would be louder in the bedroom - and 64% of them believe that the
louder the sex, the better it is.
LET IT GO
Easier said than done. If loud sex
makes you cringe rather than come,
dip your toes into erotic talk at your
own pace. “It really depends on
where you are in your experience
and familiarity with erotic talk. Not
all erotic talk has to be about loud
exclamations; it can be more of a
conversation,” Smith says. Get used
to saying or using the vocabularyof dirty talk when you’re alone at
home. You could also work with your
partner to incorporate it into your
sex life by reading from erotic books
to each other. Remember that sex is a
form of play, and anything you do out
of the ordinary will loosen inhibitions- which is bound to prepare the
ground for further sex talk.
Guys are not good at talking at
the best of times, but if you want
to benefit from this erotic form
of pillow talk, you may have to
change your ways. “Vocalising
is an exchange, but one in which
you can explore the boundaries of
your erotic self – it requires some
risk-taking and a suspension of
judgment so you can be free to play,”
Smith says. To get it right, be open to
the cues of your partner, get a sense
of what they want, and feel out what
you like. Then enjoy, and give those
neighbours a taste of their own
noisy medicine.
them – and will be different for the
speaker or the listener.
This involves the cortex and
higher centres of the brain,
communicating with those areas
most involved with desire, including
the prefrontal motor cortex, the
nucleus accumbans, the medial
preoptic area, and other parts of the
hypothalamus. “The dopaminergic
reward centre is particularly
important in being able to connect
with and identify that which is
likely to give the most pleasure,”
Smith explains. “Core erotic drives,
if facilitated by erotic talk, can
augment and ramp up the reward
pathways.” In short, your brain is set
on fire when you start tossing four-
letter words around.
Letting it rip with your partner
may be the opposite of tantric
sex, but the effects it has on your
breathing has equally beneficial
effects to those that can beWomen are more likely
to get vocal during sex
than men. So don’t be
afraid to speak up!