“Social media makes those
moments where you have
to confront your negative
emotions more common,”
says Lauren Howe, a
Stanford University social
psychologist. Your coping
strategy is below.Facebook
After a relationship status
change, you can set limits
on how much of your ex you
see and how much she sees
you. For erasure, unleash an
app like Killswitch.Netflix
Remove her from shared
accounts and change
passwords. But be sure to
alert her, so she doesn’t
rage-text you when she’s
shut out of a Goblin
episode.Photos
Apple goes so far as to
keep your last 1,000 shots
in your My Photo Stream
album – which, depending
on your settings, can pop
up in searches. The last
thing you need is a photo
of your ex commandeering
the screen at the wrong
moment. Serenity Caldwell,
managing editor of iMore,
suggests searching your
ex’s name (which will
search faces, if you’ve
tagged her) and addresses
you two frequented (like
her apartment). If you want
mementos, hide photos
instead of deleting them.Texts
Delete the entire emotional
thread, not just a few
messages.Snapchat
Well, at least this one’s
easy.Gmail
Google keeps everything,
all the time, always – so
deleting her will entail a
lot of clicking. Search her
name, click Select All,
Delete. Empty trash.
Exhale.The Purge
HOW TO ENGAGE IN A
DIGITAL SHE-TOX.renegotiate their roles from
parents to partners, you two
need to talk about how you’ll
still have a relationship, but that
it needs to be a different one.
This renegotiation is key,” says
David Sbarra, a professor of
psychology at the University of
Arizona. It’ll also be awkward
bordering on waking nightmare.
` THE EX-ORCISM Regain
control by becoming a problem
solver. Because it’s your
problem? Precisely. So head off
the changed, charged situation
before it turns into a game
of passive-aggressive looks,
whispers and backstabbing
office politics.
Find ways of working
together in an impersonal
team-type setting. (And yes,
you have been reduced to an
emoji and everyone is e-mailing
about you.)THE CRAZY-INTENSE
HOT-AND-COLD
BORDERLINE WOMAN
This one is tricky, and it’ll sound
more brutal than it is. If you’re
separating from someone who’s
battling serious demons, your
best move is to ask her to back
out gracefully while encouraging
her to seek solace from friends
and/or a therapist, and to dial
back the unicorn memes.
Otherwise, even though
you’re no longer a directproblem, you’ll remain an echo
of a previous one.
And as ice-cold as this sounds,
it’s no longer your concern. “If
you are a reasonable and kind
person, you are not responsible
for your ex’s well-being, as much
as you might feel you are,” says
Prof Sbarra.
` THE EX-ORCISM Act
with compassion. Allow
for a reasonable division of
clothes, books, goldfish and
toothbrushes – and then vanish.
Completely. “No texting, no
talking, no reinforcing her
behaviour,” Prof Sbarra says.
“Eventually, your ex will move
on, or direct her angst towards
someone else.”JUNE 2017 31