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Now, though, something was awakened in me
and I was scared. If I was gay, how would that
change my life? What should I do about
it? I withdrew from nearly everyone – Todd, my
mother, my best friends. Instead, I concentrated
on taking care of my kids and doing my job while
trying to process my feelings. In particular,
I worried about how the people I loved would
react if I told them the truth.
Todd knew me well enough to recognise that
something was of. In early 2012, he confronted
me and asked me what was going on. I told him
I thought I was bisexual – I was too scared to say
the word lesbian. He was furious and hurt. Above
all, he didn’t want to break up our family, and
neither did I. So we went into therapy, determined
to find a way to make our marriage work.
Once we started talking, Todd admitted he was
unsatisfied with our lack of passion. We were rarely
intimate and when we were, I wasn’t enthusiastic
about it. During my pregnancies, we’d often slept
in separate bedrooms. But he was very clear that he
would still rather stay together than get divorced.
The struggle to save our relationship was hell
for both Todd and me. As I grappled with my
emotions, I kept asking myself, “Which decision
is going to hurt less?”
Focusing on what was positive in our marriage,
we decided to have another child – and I’m sograteful we did. Our youngest daughter is now
three. But as the months went by, I could no longer
ignore my desire to be with a woman. I thought,
What would I tell my daughter if she came to me in
this situation? Would I say, “You’ve made your bed,
now lie in it”? No. I’d say, “Go out there and be who
you are. Love yourself and find someone who loves
you the way you deserve to be loved.” I wanted my
children to see what a relationship between two
people passionately in love looks like.
When I finally told Todd that counselling wasn’t
working and I could no longer stay in the marriage,
he stood by me, both publicly and privately,
despite his disappointment. As we planned to
separate, we agreed that we would share custody
of our children and remain good friends.
Gradually, as I opened up to other family and
friends, I could feel myself becoming whole again.
With newfound courage, I expanded my business
and even moved into life and business coaching.I wanted my children to see
what a relationship between
two people passionately
in love looks like.”
“Coming out to my
mother was a struggle,”
says Vickery. “But when
she saw that everyone
else in my life was so
accepting, she was, too.”
AS TOLD TO KERA BOLONIK. PHOTOGRAPHS BY CALLIE LIPKIN.