Prevention Australia – June – July 2017

JUNE/JULY 2017 PREVENTION 81

But the biggest challenge was telling my kids.
Todd and I had quietly separated within our
home because we weren’t in a hurry and wanted
to give careful thought to how we would talk to
them. Finally, we sat them down in June 2014 and
said, “Do you know what divorce is?” And then
we said, “Mummy and Daddy are going to get a
divorce because Mummy is gay. Do you know
what gay is?” My younger ones didn’t know, so I
explained it to them. My being gay was easier on
them because they knew lots of same-sex families.
The divorce was more diicult.
The same year, I bought a house not far from
our family home. When I met and developed a
serious relationship with Bernadette, she moved
in, too. One night, my six-year-old wouldn’t sit
next to her at dinner, and I asked her why. It was
clear that she needed to talk about it, so we got
everyone together – all four girls, Bernadette, and
me – and she told us how diicult all the changes
had been. Everybody cried, but things improved
dramatically after that conversation. My children
know the lines of communication are open and
it’s okay to feel all the things they’re feeling.
Divorce is tough on everyone. You don’t get
married to get divorced, and your kids don’t
choose the break-up they’re forced to deal with.
I truly wish I could’ve spared my husband and
children the pain.
As I’ve reflected on my life, I’ve realised there
were many signs that should have clued me in
about who I really was. Then again, if I had come
out to myself earlier, my path would have been
entirely diferent. I wouldn’t have had my children,
and I believe they are the reason my life has
unfolded as it has. That’s why I wouldn’t change
a single decision – being married, having my kids,
or being the person I am now – not for anything.

3

Respect their privacy

You might ask who else in their life

knows, whether they’re telling other

people and whether they’re comfortable

with you telling other people. They may not

be ready to share this with the world.

4

Be open-minded

There are old, negative preconceptions

about gay people that it is important

not to reinforce. Remember that they are

the same now as they were before they

told you – you just know them better.

INSPIRING WOMEN

Vickery’s four

daughters – now 12,

10, 6, and 3 – are still

the centre of her life.

1

Thank them for sharing

They’re choosing to conide in you.

Recognise that as a compliment.

It means they trust you and see you as

someone with whom they want to have

a close and honest relationship, and

that should be respected.

2

Listen closely

Let them explain how you can

support them, such as by talking

through how they feel and how they

can tell other people in their lives.

4 ways

to offer

support

Acceptance and

understanding can

help make a diicult

time easier when

friends or family

members disclose

that they’re gay.