Reader's Digest

44 | July• 2018

a chocolate selection. My wife smiled

and said “hat’s lovely.” And then

added “Does she look like you?”

He stared at us and retorted “I

certainly hope not. I’m the courier.”

SUBMITTED BY PAUL AINSWORTH

A MOTHER’S LOVE

Feeling that I’d had a very productive

day I called my mother to brag.

“What’s it like having an awesome

daughter?” I asked her.

“I don’t know” she replied. “Why

don’t you ask your grandmother?”

SUBMITTED BY SHERIE MUELLER

he Great Tweet-off:

Dieting Edition

“I hate when I try to order a salad

and my mouth says “I’ll have a

double Quarter Pounder with

Cheese.” @JIMGAFFIGAN

“I’ve finally decided to do

something about my weight. Lie.”

@FUNNYONELINERS

“Every time

I start a diet

I hear the Mission

Impossible theme

song in my head.”

@LOVENLUNCHMEAT

“Entered what

Iate today

into my new

fitness app and

it just sent an

ambulance to

my house.”

@KRUNKEDROBOT

“I thought we

were friends

but I see you

weigh less than

me now.”

@ELIZASOUL80

It can be a struggle to diet but

there’s a funny side to be found

as these tweets reveal.

A WAY WITH WORDS

My seven-year-old came home from

school telling me that his teacher

had told of one of his classmates for

using the “f-word.”

“I didn’t even know what the

f-word was when I was seven” I said.

“Me too Mummy. I thought it was

FROG. My second guess was FART”

he said matter-of-factly.

I felt a strange warm glow.

SUBMITTED BY NICKY TORODE

F

ILLUSTRATIONS: GETTY IMAGES