PARTINGSHOTS
130 DECEMBER 2019|COMPUTER SHOPPER|ISSUE 382
He’s neverbeeneconomicalwiththe truthinh islife,butZygoteisperturbedtofindthat
hispantsareonfi re.Hew on’t beriding anelectric bike againany time soon
Accordingto Which?, “The
government must act nowto
connect the UK with truly
comprehensive mobile and
broadbandby puttingaplan in
place to give communities the
infrastructure theyneed.”
Until this is done the digital
divide will widen, which is utterly
unacceptable inamodern society.
DEUTSCHLADUBERALAS
Martin Deutsch,a70-year-old
retired architect, was driving his
whiteToyota Prius through the
OsborneRoad shopping centre
in Portsmouth. When he pulled
over towards the kerbto give
waytoano ncoming bus, he
was surprised when his nearside
door wasyanked open and a
stranger climbed in.
Pharmacy student ChenLee
didn’t look up from his mobile
phone,but demandedto be
driven to the railwaystation
prontobecause he hadatrain to
catch. Deutsch protested that he
was notataxi service and asked
the studentto get out, butLee
insisted that the vehicle was a
taxi because his Uber app clearly
showed that theToyota had
been summonedby demand.
After ashort argument, with
the student waving his
smartphone in the general
directionof the driver’sface,
Deutsch drove his unwanted
passengeradistanceof three
miles, and delivered himto an
imposing red brick complex,
telling himto go to the ticket
office by following the signs
forreception. He then drove
awayfrom the drop-offpoint,
which was the main entranceto
St James’ Psychiatric Hospital.
CARD SHARP
The company behind the
augmented-reality game
Pokémon Go is paying out $4m
in compensation after a
class-action lawsuit. The
Northern CaliforniaFederal Court
agreed that the videogame
encourages unauthorised people
to trespass on privateproperty
“acting like zombies and
bumping intothings, in pursuit
of invisible cartoon characters”.
Unfortunately,the legalfees
also amountto $4m, so claimants
will end up with nothing apart
from acertain grim satisfaction.
However,int he first editionof
Pokémon, which was the 1999
Nintendo Game Boytrading
game,there were 103 printed
character cards, and the game’s
incentive wasforyoung players
to win, buy and tradeacomplete
set of cards under the slogan
‘gotta catch ’em all’.Many critics
ridiculed the cynicismof the
marketing, butZygotecannot
deny thatPokémon marked the
end of the physicaltoyage and
the startof the digitaltoyage.
Formany who grew up in the
generationof millennials, the
Pokémon phenomenon remains
an important partof their
childhood, and theyare prepared
to paygood moneytor ecapture
the nostalgiaof the times.
Very good money, as it turns
out. Acompleteset of first
edition character cards from
the videogame has just been
sold at auctionfor£87,000.
It’s timeto rummage through
those dusty boxes and release
some cash in the attic.
SMILEYFACE
The KinseyInstitutedepartment
of Sexuality,Relationships and
Well-Being has crunchedaload
of data collected from more than
5,000 American singles. The
consenting adult participants
were asked about the inclusionof
emojis in their online dating
messages during the past year,
alongside how much sex they
indulged in and with whom.
The researchers havefound
asignificant correlation
between frequent emoji use,
the numberof resulting dates
and the amountof sex
involved. Apparently this has
somethingto do with “self
expression andforming better
connections with others”.
In which case,Zygotewould
like to wish readersaheartfelt
.
HOTSTUFF
Afleetofathousandelectricbikes
that has been whizzing round the
streets of San Francisco since
June has been scrapped without
notice.The reason behind this
dramaticevent is the batteries
that power the wheels, which
have developedanasty habitof
exploding. This is disconcerting
seeing as theyare housed just
below the rider’s genitals.
The company responsiblefor
the bike-sharing fiasco is called
Lyft, which is also in the frame
forsupplying previous models
with dodgy brakes, and allegedly
adding to an alarming rise in the
numberof reported injuries in
local hospitals. Now the city
of San Francisco has banned
electric scooters and similar
gadgets in their entirety.
Meanwhile,the Walmart
supermarket chain is suingtech
innovatorTesla, with claims that
the next generationof Tesla solar
panels have gone rogue and
turned arsonistby setting
Walmart stores on fireto the
tune of “millionsof dollars in
losses and repair work”.Zygote
has resolved neverto ride an
electric biketo aWalmart store
in San Franciscoever again.
SMOKE SIGNALS
The consumer charity Which?
has published its findings on 4G
coverageforevery UK
parliamentary constituency,and
it makesforsome very grim
reading. Only one in five areas
receivesafull 4G service from the
four main mobile operators, with
some major urban areas clocking
up less than 80% coverage.
With the smoke and mirrors
rollout of 5G getting all the media
attention,Zygotenotes that
millionsof network subscribers
still experience great difficulty
getting areliable bog-standard
mobile connection, and are
missing out on digital services
such as mapping, NHS
information and online banking,
let alone mundane services such
as messaging and voice calls.
