I remember these words
as Stephanie stands in front
of the room and asks, ‘What
does your soul yearn for?’ We
go around the room. Answers
range from ‘love’ to ‘freedom’,
and when it’s my turn the word
‘companionship’ inexplicably
tumbles from my mouth. This
is odd because I’m out with my
friends five nights a week, but
I often go home alone and feel
that I’m missing something.
When it comes to men, I’m
guilty of pushing the decent
ones away, preferring instead
to chase those who are almost
always emotionally unavailable.
The next day, over a lunch
of falafel and tahini (which we
bless, naturally), a full-timekundalini yogi and holistic life
coach called Nina* who, she
informs us, has studied neuro-
linguistic programming, starts
to share her story. She is a
recovering drug addict and
alcoholic who used to run a
plastic surgery clinic. She tells
us how she underwent intense
training at a yogic research
institute that ‘broke her down
then rebuilt her into something
stronger’. This, she says with
a smile, is what she’ll be doing
to us over the week.
Later, we have a lesson on
the physical effects of stress
on the nervous system, set to
Punjabi beats. Nina bounces
energetically on her yoga mat,
shouting, ‘Keep going!’ as wetry to ‘shake off ’ our tensions.
I look around the room as we
all rush and jerk to the music
and wonder if this is what it
feels like to be a part of a cult.OUT WITH THE OLD
The week continues in much
the same way – we rise as one
at 7am, and head to breakfast.
A plate of buckwheat pancakes
precedes more chanting, before
it’s time for us to ‘clean out our
basements’ (not a euphemism
for vaginal steam-cleaning).
On day three, something
shifts. In a sage voice, Nina
explains the main event of the
retreat is performing a ‘mental
inventory’: dragging up painful
memories to examine, then‘I LOOK
AROUND AND
WONDER IF
THIS IS WHAT
IT FEELS LIKE
TO BE PART
OF A CULT’
106 COSMOPOLITAN SEPTEMBER 2017