Empire Australasia August 2017

you know?

Obfuscate.

What character were you in your first-ever

school play?

I was the Piper in The Pied Piper Of Hamelin.

Everyone else played rats.

From one to 10, how hairy is your arse?

Well, I couldn’t say for sure, because I haven’t

had enough of a close look, but I think only

about a two-and-a-half. I appear naturally

waxed.

Which movie have you seen the most?

Oddly, it’s Braveheart [which Gleeson was in]. Not

deliberately, but any time it’s on TV I find myself

sucked in and needing to watch to the end. I

wouldn’t call it my favourite film, but I’ve seen it

the most. I think it’s great.

Do you have any scars?

Several, but I have one at the top of my

forehead that I got when I was a boy riding my

bike and carrying soccer boots. The laces got

caught in the wheel and I went over the handle

bars. I’m convinced I was knocked out, but I

can’t prove it.

Do you have a tattoo?

I don’t, because I’m an actor. I absolutely don’t

understand actors who are covered in tattoos

and then have to get them all covered up every

day on set. Why have them? You’re supposed to

be a blank slate.

What is your favourite animal?

Dogs, because they never hold grudges.

Unless you get them wet, and even then it’s

very short-lived.

What is your earliest memory?

Reading a story about a daddy horse, a mummy

horse and a baby horse, aged three. I remember

getting to the bit about the baby horse and saying,

“That’s me.” I’ve always thought of myself as a

lovely foal with an unusually smooth arse. That

sounds weirdly like a baboon, doesn’t it?

What’s the strangest place you’ve ever thrown up?

It was on a sofa in a hotel hallway. I’d got out of

bed to be ill and instead of going right into the

bathroom, I went out into the corridor and the

door shut behind me. I tried to make a dash for

the nearest toilet down the hall, but I didn’t make

it. I’m not sure I was wearing anything.

Aliens land on Earth and demand to see a double

bill of your movies or they’ll blow up the world.

What do you choose?

I’m going to give you three, because I refuse to

choose between the McDonaghs [directors

Martin and John Michael]. So In Bruges and The

Guard from them. And I’d add The General,

because it was just the most special experience.

The aliens will have to make more time.

HAMPSTEAD IS IN CINEMAS FROM 17 AUGUST GETTY IMAGES: CHARLEY GALLAY

THE

GRILL

So just how smooth is the arse of

Mad-Eye Moody?

BRENDAN

GLEESON

WORDS OLLY RICHARDS

Do you have a nickname?

I used to be known as Flying Shite. I was very

quick over 10 yards. I don’t know if it was

meant entirely as a compliment.

When were you last naked outdoors?

Very recently. It was in a pool in the garden of

a house I was staying in. No, I wasn’t sneaking

into someone’s pool naked.

What one thing do you do better than anyone else