songs, “Magnolia”, is about the day in 2014
he intended to take his own life by stepping
in front of a car. It was the fifth suicide at-
tempt of his young life, his first coming at
the age of 10. “I just didn’t like myself,” he
says of that initial attempt. “I think the first
time I didn’t know the full extent of what
that meant. One of the times
I was really numb. And that
was the thing about wanting
to kill myself last time, I just
didn’t want anything. I didn’t
care. Albert Camus [said], the
basic fundamental question
of existence is, do we kill our-
selves or not? It’s true. That’s
where everything starts. Do
you off yourself or not? I just
didn’t have any reason not to
off myself.”
These days, with the help
of therapy and a determina-
tion not to inflict the hurt his
last attempt caused on those he loves, the
impulse to suicide is under control. “I don’t
want to die at my own hand because I can
do more things at my own hand that are
infinitely more positive, more aspiration-
al, and more transcendent in overcom-
ing, than killing myself,” he says. “There’s
a sense of self-overcoming that I’ve learned
to appropriate into my own life, that... I
wasn’t aware of before. I believe that exists
in all of us.”loveandadmirehimfor”).Hismotherwas
asocialworkerbeforeworkingformental
health charity AR AFMI; she is also mo-
bility impaired, for which she received dis-
abilitypensionsupport.Thefamilymade
dowithasingleincomeof$12,000ayear,
placingthemin“thelowestechelonofso-
cialandincomeclassyoucan
getinAustraliawithoutbeing
homeless”.
“My parents are fuck-
ing amazing people,” says
Le’aupepe. “I hate the idea of
reducing my parents and my
childhoodtothatofapoor
family.Ihatetheideaofhu-
miliating my parents like
that.Myparentstried,they
dideverythingtheycould.A
lotofwhatIdonow,”headds,
“ismotivatedbythefactIhad
[n o t h i n g ]. ”
Though proud of his up-
bringing,headmitsthatgrowingupinpov-
ertyhaslefthimwithachiponhisshoulder.
It also provided an early bond with Fijian
national Malani, whose parents and five sib-
lingswereforcedtoliveinafriend’sgarage
in Sydney while awaiting political asylum as
hestudiedYear12onascholarship.“Hav-
ingachiponmyshoulderkeepsafucking
carrotinfrontofmyface,”saysthesinger.
Asachild,Le’aupepespent“alotoftime
onmyown,feelinglikeanalien.IthinkI was always very inquisitive, I loved to
read.” A “painfully” shy kid, he was bullied
at school and church, where having long
hair and being “skinny and awkward” and
“kind of a weirdo” made him an easy target.
Hisschoolreportshadarecurringtheme:
“Needs to apply himself, doesn’t work hard.Extraordinarily gifted, but lacking moti-
vation.”
Thebarbsofthebullieshavestuckwith
him.“I’mstilltryingtogetbackatthekids
that called me a fag in high school, still try-
ing to be included by the cool kids,” he says.
“That is my fucking Achilles heel. Accep-
tance. Always looking for it.”
Le’aupepe’sissueswithmentalhealthand
depression have been documented, to the
extent that one of the band’s most popularSeptember, 2017 RollingStoneAus.com | Rolling Stone | 51GROOMING: BRENDAN ROBERTSON; STYLING: ALISON BROOKS
“I’m still trying to get back at
the kids that called me a fag
in high school, still trying to
be included by the cool kids,”
says Le’aupepe.