Rolling Stone Australia September 2017

Misdiagnosed with Cyclothymia as a
child–amildformofbipolardisease–
Le’aupepe was prescribed Ritalin but “fuck-
inghatedit”sostoppedtakingit.Thatearly
diagnosis has since been rectified to “full-
blown” bipolar disorder, with the singer
adding,“IguessIhaveclinicaldepression,
maybesomeOCDshit.WhenIwasachilda
lotofmedicalexpertsthoughtI[wasonthe]
autismspectrum,becauseIwasquitegift-
edbuthadveryfewsocialskills.Istillhave
trouble with social cues, but I don’t think
[I’m on] the autism spectrum.”
Thechurchwasn’tthemostforgivingof
placesforayoungchildwithsuchissues.“I
grew up in an evangelical movement that
literally demonised mental illness, saying
itwasdemons,”hespits.“That’sfucking
bullshit.”
Howdoyoudealwiththatasakid?
“Youcan’t.IjustthoughtIwasfucking
insaneandalienthewholetime.Ispentmy
whole childhood trying to figure out what
itwasthatmademelikethis,
andnowIknow.ButIjustgot
toldtherewasademon,that
I was being oppressed by evil
forces,andyoucanjustpray
it away. You can’t pray that
shitaway,man.There’sarea-
son why psychoanalysis ex-
ists,andthere’sareasonwhy
cognitive science exists, ’cause
wemovedpastthatsupersti-
tious nonsense and bullshit.”
Askhimaboutsignificant
moments growing up, and he
pauses. “I can only pick out
the negative ones. It’s not stuff that I’d have
on record, a lot of shit that happened to me
as a kid, and what happened around me.”
Another pause, and then a smile. “My first
electric guitar.”
At two points this afternoon, Le’aupepe’s
eyes moisten and he wipes away a tear. The
first comes when recounting the moment he
found out his ex-wife had passed – he was in
the backyard of the band’s shared house in
London, where they relocated earlier this
year: “I spent a lot of time preparing for it...
and then the thing we’re both scared of hap-
pening fucking happens but I can’t grieve
that, I’m not there, I hadn’t spoken to her
for two years” – the second comes when
discussing the electric guitar he got as a 10
year-old. It’s not the instrument itself that
elicits such emotion – though he loved it so
dearly his mother has a photo of him sleep-
ing with it as a kid – but the fact his parents
saved so hard to afford the $250 price tag.
The visceral thrill he got when plug-
ging that Squier Bullet Stratocaster into a
tiny amp remains palpable. “The sheer raw
fucking power of this abomination, this
over driven guitar... I had been craving
that electric guitar moment.”
Some days he wouldn’t go to school, opt-
ing instead to stay home and play. “It’s all I

ever wanted to do,” he says. “I felt poisonous,

no one wanted to be my friend. If you want

to talk about my childhood, the only thing

I can remember is feeling too smart for my

own good, feeling too inquisitive, but also

feeling fucking crippled and shy. But as soon

asIhadthatinmyhand...”

You h a d th e an swer?

“No, it just gave me questions. But ques-

tions I knew I could answer myself.”

T

here was one child

whowantedtobe

Le’aupepe’sfriend,andthat

was Joji Malani. The two

first met at Hillsong and

bonded over the fact they

had the same Chuck Taylor Hi-Tops. In Year

10,Malanihad“crazylifechangingsurgery”

wherebyhisrightlegwasextendedtobethe

same length as his left, leaving him immo-

bileandcoopedupinhisboardingschool’s

sickbayformuchoftheyear.Ashisfriends

his parents in South Korea. A year later,

they uprooted again and moved to Syd-

ney. The constant upheaval of these moves,

combined with an element of his upbring-

ing that “instilled a sense that I constant-

ly had to prove myself”, culminated in him

being “an incredibly anxious person”, and

his mental health became an issue during

the making and touring of The Positions.

“There was a lot of things I needed to ad-

dress that I’d either been ignoring or wasn’t

exactly aware of, and it took four of my best

buddies to really bring shit down on me and

say, hey, you really need to get your shit to-

gether. And if it wasn’t for these guys, who

knows where I would be.”

In a superficial sense, the bond between

each member is represented by a band tat-

too of a vital sign, a nod to the opening song

onThe Positions. Borzestowski was hesitant

to get inked at first, making up an excuse

to avoid the visit to the tattoo parlour in

Melbourne while on tour in 2015. Recruit-

ed to replace former drum-

mer Samuel O’Donnell at the

tailend of 2014, six months

later he was offered a perma-

nent place in the band, but

hesitated. “I knew the weight

of that decision,” he says. “‘Do

I want my life to go in this di-

rection?’ So I swept the offi-

cial contract under the rug a

little bit and was like, yeah, I’ll

sign it one day.” He eventually

put pen to paper on December

2nd, 2015 – the one year an-

niversary of his brother Szy-

mon’s passing. “That day is a significant day

in a lot of ways for me,” he offers quietly.

For Borzestowski, the tattoo represents

“a symbol of that time, that album... so it’s

a unity thing. We’re brothers, we have a very

brotherly feel amongst the band.”

Le’aupepe’s vital signs tattoo is on his

neck. “I just remember looking at my ex-

wife’s heart monitor and thinking, it’s so

weird that a heartbeat is measured by

sound. By frequency. And we measure

music by frequency, and that was an essen-

tial part of what I wanted to do. I want to

make the music of life. I want to document

experience, and make a defining [docu-

ment] of my life.”

Right now, however, it’s not the most im-

portant tattoo on his body. That honour

goes to the one on his left forearm – to the

one that imbues some of the themes of Go

Farther In Lightness; to the marking, you

suspect, that is the byproduct of the “scars

and contusions” he sings of in “Say Yes To

Life”. He points to it and says, “I will teach

this to my kids, and they’re all things that

could potentially cancel each other out if

you’re not careful.”

The tattoo is of three words, scrawled

one under the other: Empathy. Autono-

my. Humanity.

started “phasing [him] out”, Le’aupepe

maintained regular visits. “Dave lived fur-

thest away from me, but he’d trek it out and

just come hang, bring guitars and jam. That

was probably the time when me and Dave

got the closest. It taught me a lot about peo-

ple. I used to be a really extroverted, social

person before my surgery, and after I just

hung out with Dave.”

Malani’s family were prominent mem-

bers of the Hillsong community, and he was

warned of young Le’aupepe’s influence on

him. Twice he told his friend that, as a re-

sult, they could no longer be pals, before re-

considering: “Do I believe the people who

forget my last name sometimes, or the guy

who comes to see me when I can’t walk?”

“We’ve been through shit together,” he

adds. “We all have our things where life’s

given you an opportunity and you can either

be overcome by it or rise above.”

For Jung Kim, that opportunity arose

when he was forced to leave his childhood

home in Glenview, Chicago, and move to

Seoul, South Korea, at the age of 12. His

father had had a run-in with the law, and

though “he wasn’t really guilty of anything”,

his citizenship was revoked. For a period

Kim was raised by his cousin and remained

inAmerica,beforebeingreunitedwith

GANG OF YOUTHS

52 | Rolling Stone | RollingStoneAus.com September, 2017

“I grew up in an evangelical

movement that literally

demonised mental illness,

saying it was demons,” says

Le’aupepe. “Bullshit.”