72 AWW.COM.AU AUGUST 2017
[ Humour]
ILLUSTRATION BY GUSTAV DEJERT @ ILLUSTRATIONROOM.COM.AU.ABOUT THE WRITER
Amanda Blair lives in Adelaide
with her four children and a
husband she quite likes when
she sees him.“
I saw
potential in
the Fidget
Spinner
craze to
exhibit best
practice
parenting
- bribery.
”
Come in, spinner! As her kids embrace the latest schoolyard craze, Amanda Blair
gets her brain in a spin coming up with the next must-have toy phenomenon.
I
’m just hoping by the time this column
is printed the subject matter is a thing
of the past. Oh, but this one, they
assured me, will last. This one is
quality. This one can help them
with their homework, their concentration
and their overall wellbeing. This isn’t just
a toy, they told me, this is an anti-anxiety
device and they absolutely neeeeeeeeeeded it.
I had to get them a Fidget Spinner.
I took great delight in informing my
children that the only person around here
with anxiety was me and it had only developed
since I’d become a mother of four, and if
they didn’t stop their whingeing about the
bloody Fidget Spinners, my anxiety might get
so bad that I’d have to go away for a few
weeks without them. They shrugged their
shoulders and said they preferred their dad
anyway – he was a nicer person overall.
Moving on, I saw potential in the new-
found interest in the Fidget Spinner craze
to exhibit best practice parenting – bribery.
If they cleaned their rooms, school bags,
teeth and private parts, in that order, for
a week without me reminding them or
having to yell like a football coach, I’d
buy them one each.
Of course, they took to this challenge
like Amway distributors chasing Diamond
status and, five days later, we stood in the
local newsagent having a loud and public
argument about which child had “bagsed”
the blue one first. Oh, yes, these Fidget
Spinners definitely reduced
anxiety, I could see that now.
Eventually, we made it to the
car, where they were quiet and
occupied for all of 41 seconds
before the arguments started
again, this time about who was
better/faster/stronger at “doing it”- spinning a bit of plastic between
thumb and forefinger. While they
argued, I occupied my own
fidgeting mind. What could I
invent and mass produce cheaply
in China that would make me
billions of dollars by preying on the
The name of the game
innocent minds of children and the seeming
lack of willpower of parents? It can’t be that
hard to come up with something – crikey,
must-have toys have been a major part of
our childhood: yoyos, Rubik’s Cubes, swap
cards, Cabbage Patch Dolls, Tamagotchis,
loom bands, ZhuZhu pets, Pokémon Go,
Donkey Kong and marbles.
I’ve always imagined that the inventors
of these must-have products end up in the
south of France, sipping chardonnay and
feasting on foie gras in their stately homes,
laughing at their good fortune made from
a silly idea. Their inventions which we
parents have stupidly purchased for RRP
$9.99 are relegated to the bottom of the
toy box, then the local op-shop, where they
are resold for a teeny fraction of their initial
cost faster than you can say, “At least this
one’s better than bottle flipping”.
But we’re not quite there yet in our family.
At the time of writing, my children are still
occupied and engaged in the world of Fidget
Spinning. They’re swapping Fidgets with
their friends, holding A-grade competitions
in the schoolyard, searching the internet
for tips on how to do “it” better. They’re
practising tricks like the convertible spin,
the rotator, the reverse sonic and the hard to
master chopstick spin.
The kids constantly tell me they’re really
busy, so busy that they can’t do anything for
me like put the bins out or empty the
dishwasher or feed the guinea pig.
From where I sit, they’re doing
nothing productive with their
time, just pretending to be busy
whilst playing with a stupid
toy. Looking busy while doing
nothing ... Avoiding domestic jobs
... Hey, no wonder they get along
so well with their dad – he’s taught
them everything he knows. AWW