the
washington
post
.
thursday,
june
9
,2022
DC
8
feelings with the bride. If you
are close enough to be in her
party, you are close enough to
have a heart-to-heart.Q: I’m in a wedding and am
hearing from others that the
maid of honor is bothering
people to make sure the bride’s
most-wanted gifts are purchased
from the registry. I’m not sure
it’s my role to step in, but I find
this embarrassing. Should I let it
go or say something?
A: It is not a maid of honor’s
duty to hustle guests for gifts.
Because you are also in the
wedding party, if you are close
with the maid of honor, I would
indeed say something. But
approach the matter delicately,
because you don’t want to create
more drama.Q: My sister and her fiance’s
registry is causing a stir, because
some people, including our
parents and relatives, are
annoyed that the items aren’t
practical. (Video games and a
new TV are among the items
listed.) Would it hurt to nudge
them to put a Dutch oven on
there?
A: If they don’t need a Dutch
oven, why ask for one? I fully
approve of this couple asking for
the items that will truly bring
them joy — frivolous as they
may seem to some of their
guests.Q: When a couple asks that
people give to a charity in lieu of
giving a gift, I feel as if the
pleasure of picking something I
think they’ll like and presenting
it to them is lost. Am I being
selfish if I don’t follow the
couple’s suggestion?
A: P erhaps you can do both:
Honor their wishes with a gift to
their charity, and give a smaller
gift you are confident they will
enjoy.Q: Is it rude to give a wedding
gift that is not on the registry?
I’m an artist, and I like to give a
painting to couples of their
beloved pet.
A: W e all have different tastes
and different appreciations of
art and how we want to decorate
our homes. I do think a gift from
the registry (maybe a smaller
one?) would be appropriate,
along with a specially made gift
certificate offering them a
painting of their pet, to be
redeemed upon their choosing.
This way, they can be a bit more
involved in the process rather
than receiving something for
which they don’t have the right
wall space. Also at washingtonpost.com
Read the rest of this transcript and
submit questions to the next chat,
Thursday at 11 a.m., at
live.washingtonpost.com.donations for a house down
payment, a puppy and a
honeymoon. It feels a little
weird to give my brother
something like $50 or $100,
especially because he sometimes
loans me money and likes to pay
for everyone because he’s the
oldest. Should I try to come up
with something more special?
A: I would approach him with
your dilemma. Given that he is
so generous with you, and
providing you have the means,
being equally generous with him
is a wonderful gesture.
Depending on your budget,
what about giving the couple a
special experience you know
they will love, such as a hot-air
balloon ride for two or a
weekend getaway to a
destination that is of special
significance to them? Even a
great dinner out for the three of
you at their favorite restaurant
could be a great choice.Q: Last summer, I saw wedding
invitations detailing pandemic
precautions, but that’s not the
case for the events this year. Is it
okay to ask for specifics?
A: There is certainly no harm in
asking. Inquiring is a thoughtful
and prudent thing to do,
particularly if you have any
special health concerns.Q: I’m a bridesmaid in an
upcoming wedding. Do I need to
get a gift? I am already
traveling, have bought the dress,
am going to the bachelorette
party that’s out of state and am
paying for lodging, hair and
makeup.
A: Being in the bridal party is an
honor, and an expensive one at
that. If all of this outlay has you
feeling concerned, share yourwedding gift. Is this valid?
A: A sking for cold, hard cash
(although it is becoming quite
commonplace) does still feel a
bit tacky. If she truly needs
nothing and doesn’t want to set
up a registry, ask her whether
she would consider creating a
house or honeymoon fund.
Guests appreciate the idea that
they are contributing toward
something specific and not just
doling out cash to pay monthly
bills.Q: I’m extremely close with my
older brother, who is getting
married this fall. The only items
on the registry are monetarybut that seems long. Is it really
okay to wait one year to
acknowledge a gift?
A: Absolutely not. This fallacy is
a harmful one, because guests
will be left wondering whether
their gift was received or
appreciated. I recommend
getting them out within three
months following the ceremony.
Both members of the couple
should participate in this task,
which will make it go much
faster.Q: What is the protocol when
the registry runs out of items
well before the wedding?
A: A check (rather than cash) is
your best bet here. Alternatively,
consider asking one of their
family members or someone in
the bridal party whether the
couple will be adding to their
registry. They may be unaware
that most of the items have been
purchased.Q: I ’m concerned about my
daughter asking for cash as aright or wrong answer, and it
will be different for everyone,
with averages from $75 on the
lower end to $150 and up on the
higher end.Q: What if the couple has no
registry?
A: Inquire with their family
members and bridal parties
about what the couple might
like for their wedding. If they
have no idea, then a check is
your best solution.Q: I browsed a close friend’s
wedding registry and noticed
that all of the gifts under $100
have been purchased. It seems
early for that to happen, but I
can’t really afford to go above
that amount. What should I do?
A: Write them a check in the
amount you want to spend, and
enclose it in a congratulatory
card with a thoughtful message
inside. Next time, I always
recommend getting to the
registry as soon as you’ve
received and returned the RSVP
card.Q: My 62-year-old brother and
his fiancee are getting married,
both for the second time. They
requested donations to their
honeymoon fund in lieu of gifts,
but the donations have price
tags, and I’m uncomfortable
with that. I’m flying from
abroad and want to bring a
piece of artisan dinnerware,
because they host dinners. Is
this insensitive?
A: I agree that your monetary
gift should not be on display for
others to view or judge.
Although the artisan
dinnerware sounds lovely, there
is every chance they don’t need
any dinnerware, especially
because this is a second
marriage for each of them. I
would write them a check and
enclose it in a handwritten card
of congratulations.Q: Should you give the gift
before the wedding?
A: I’m a bit of a traditionalist
and like the idea of the gift
arriving after the wedding — but
not too long after. The concept
that guests have a year to give a
gift is a fallacy. Get that gift to
the couple within a month of
their special day.Q: What are the most popular
wedding gifts?
A: I see a lot of linens and
towels being requested, along
with espresso machines and
coffee makers. You can never go
wrong with comfort and
caffeine, apparently.Q: It is my understanding that a
couple has a year to send all of
their thank-you notes for gifts,Q&A FROM 7
Home
PHOTOS BY ISTOCK
ABOVE: If all gifts within your
budget have been purchased
from a registry, Farley suggests
writing a check for what you’d
like to spend and enclosing it
in a card. BELOW: When
giving a wedding gift, Farley
says to get it to the couple
within a month of the event.