NINA FUNNELL:
‘HE HELD A BOX
CUTTER TO MY
THROAT AND
THREATENED TO
KILL ME’
Nina was lucky to survive a
brutal attack by a stranger
‘While travelling home in
Sydney’s lower north shore
one evening, I was grabbed
by an unknown man. He held
a box cutter blade to my
throat and said, “I will kill
you”. He punched me in the
face and it knocked me off my
feet. I remember lying in the
dirt, immobilised by terror. I
knew I was about to be raped
and dreaded that I was going
to die. He began strangling
me, but a jolt of adrenaline
took over and I exploded in
a fit of rage. With my hands,
I thrashed at his face yelling,
“I’ll kill you first!” He was
twice the size of me and had
a weapon, but my resistance
was enough to undermine his
sense of control over me –
ultimately that’s what rape is
about: control. The next thing
I remember is an awareness
that I could breathe again.
I wasn’t raped, but I was
indecently sexually assaulted.
The terror of the assault has
had a long-lasting impact on
me, but I’m also privileged
because I’ve been able to use
my experience to campaign for
the rights of all people to live
a life free of sexual violence.
I’ve learnt the most powerful
words we can ever say to a
survivor are: I believe you; this
is not your fault and, above
all, you are not alone.’ >‘We were high-school
sweethearts and he made
me feel comfortable, like
only he could love me. But
as things progressed, he
started showing his true
colours, telling me that
everything was my fault,
telling me what to do,
saying that I voiced my
opinion too much. He made
me question my self-worth,
my sense of identity. You
can be the most confident
person, but when someone
chips away at you every day,
commenting on how you
talk and how you behave,
you start questioning if you
are good enough.
There’s an assumption
that you see the red f lags
from the get-go and victims
just choose to stay, but the
perpetrators don’t just get
up one day and they’re evil.
At first they build up your
confidence, they show you
love, they make you feel
safe, like you are the queen
of their universe. It’s only
later that their true colours
show. It’s done so gradually
that it takes a while for your
brain to click that what is
being done to you is off. At
first I thought, He’s telling
me not to wear miniskirts
because he cares, or He doesn’t
want me to wear too much
makeup – I probably should
let my skin breathe. Then it’sKHADIJA GBLA:
‘I thought
my husband
was going
to kill me’
Khadija’s partner was
charming until his true
colours began to show...how you talk, what career
positions to take, to stop
seeing your friends...
People think that when
physical abuse happens it’s
out of nowhere, but it’s not.
Emotional abuse is always
present beforehand. I look
at it as being “groomed”;
your confidence has been
chipped, you’re doubting
yourself and how you feel,
and you start questioning
your reality.
When he first hit me
across my face, I thought,
Oh my God, did he just hit
me? Then I thought, I must
have imagined that. After
that came the “honeymoon
period”, so to speak, where
he apologised, saying, “I
didn’t mean to hit you but
you made me angry” – as if
it was all my fault. I tried to
change so it didn’t happen
again, but it did.
I am a very confident,
assertive person, but in that
relationship I was knocked
down and walking on egg-
shells. I just couldn’t do
anything right; if I was quiet
I was being a “bitch”, but
if I talked I didn’t “knowmy place”. There was no
winning in any situation.
The shame is what really
hits you. I didn’t know who
to talk to or how to explain
this. I thought maybe I did
something to deserve this,
maybe he was right, if I just
cooked more, cleaned more,
knew my place, he wouldn’t
do it. One minute he was
lovey-dovey and the next
he was kicking me on the
f loor. Nobody else saw this
side to him because he was
so nice and charming, but
behind closed doors he’d
choke me and beat me as if
he were trying to kill me.
One night I came home
and said, “Thank you for
putting petrol in the car,”
and that set him off. Next
thing I knew I was being
punched and kicked. I ran
for my phone and called the
police, telling them where
I live, but he got his belt and
started hitting the hell out
of me. I pressed charges
and he was found guilty of
aggravated assault.
Please know that it is
never your fault. There is
*THE THINKERGIRLS ARE ON THE KIIS NATIONAL NETWORK FROM 7PM WEEKNIGHTS no shame in being a victim.’
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