one person to possibly fulfil,’
says relationship therapist
Isadora Alman. To me, it
seems nearly impossible.
When I go through tough
times, I want to know that
I have my partner and my
friends, family and community
at my back. And I’ll always
need other people – like my
bestie, Meghan, or my uni
roommate, Melissa – to talk
to and get advice from when
Jeremy and I hit a snag.
After all, what can you do
if the boyfriend you’re royally
pissed at is also the only
person you go to for help and
support? With no outside buds
to call, you’ll likely wind up
complaining to your guy about
him, putting him in an over-
whelming (and, honestly,
annoying) position, says Dr
John Jacobs, psychiatrist and
author of All You Need Is Love
and Other Lies About Marriage.
‘Doing that puts an enormous
amount of pressure on your
relationship. And having to
handle such a needy partner
is not very sexy.’HE SHOULDN’T
KNOW
EVERYTHING
Speaking of not sexy, telling
your S.O. every detail of yourexistence can potentially back-
fire. ‘You want to keep your
relationship exciting and
somewhat mysterious in
order to avoid letting too
much comfort and familiarity
set in,’ explains Kerner. ‘For
example, I un-Friended my
wife on Facebook because I
don’t need to know each little
thing about her life.’
This is totally different
than keeping secrets from
your partner, which is more
problematic and can drive
a wedge between you, says
Kerner. You should have a
safe and secure base where
you can feel free to talk about
important goings-on in your
lives. But convos about the
camping gear he’s desperately
coveting or the microderm-
abrasion treatment you want
to try? Not as vital to share.HE WON’T
ALWAYS BRING
THE NEW
Why is it that everyone you
know wants to travel abroad?
Because immersing yourself
in a foreign place – with all
its surprises – is so exciting.
Dating a non-BFF who has
different interests and hobbies
than you do can be similarly
rewarding, says Kerner. Thetrouble with your partner
sharing the same social circle,
friends and schedule as you
do is that you start to lose
your individuality. And strong
couples need to consist of two
unique people who each bring
their own special passions to
the lives they share.
By detaching your hips
every so often and hangingwith your respective best
friends, you’ll have room to
try out new activities. Then
when you come back together,
you’ll both be more interesting
and interested in each other.
As Dr Jacobs says, the most
successful couples have a lot
in common, but they ‘strike a
balance between spending
time together and apart’.Who should you tell first, him or your girls?
You got a promotion at work.
❏ HIM ❏ YOUR GIRLS
It’s OK to tell your friends first and plan
drinks – they’ve been cheering you on for
years. But, says Frieda Birnbaum, a research
psychologist who studies women and
relationships, ‘money is a major issue,
so tell your partner soon after, especially
if you share finances’.You sprained your ankle at
Spin class.
❏ HIM ❏ YOUR GIRLS
Shoot an SOS text to your BF as soon as
you can, before you broadcast the whole
play-by-play on your Insta Story. ‘A core
tenet of a good relationship is helping each
other, so if you get injured, you need to
share that with him,’ advises Birnbaum.A cute guy hit on you at the
supermarket.
❏ HIM ❏ YOUR GIRLS
Revel in the resulting ego boost with your
besties – but there’s no need to notify your
guy and cause unnecessary drama. ‘Most
likely, you’re going to make your partner
jealous, which shouldn’t be the goal,’
says Birnbaum. #WELL, SURE... SO
LONG AS YOU EAT
ICE-CREAM WITH
YOUR BESTIES, TOO.PHOTOGRAPHY BY CHRIS CRAYMER
sex & relationships