Wheels Australia — August 2016

134 WheelsMag.com.au

The glitch is back

As a poverty stricken student I did my share of running-out-of-fuel

stunts, so these days rarely allow a tank to get near vapour. But The

Wife likes to live dangerously and swears that the Volvo’s trip computer

is errant, randomly recalculating from 70km remaining to 0km in the

blink of an eye. The seat heater on the passenger side has also started

switching off of its own volition recently, which begs the question

whether an earlier electrical glitch that threw out systems and required

a visit to the dealership to flash and fix has paid a return visit.

ara

Long live the Viking

Bulmer pens a final ode to a Nordic warrior

COOL SWEDE

The XC90’s dash

and cabin exude an

air of sophisticated

Scandinavian-ness

STUDENTS of Norse mythology, or simply

fans of the bawdy and bloodthirsty SBS TV

series Vikings, will know that the Norsemen

of medieval Scandinavia burned their dead

chiefs in a ship-like funeral pyre, en route to

their final destination of Valhalla.

I considered showing the same respect

for the XC90 but soon realised Volvo would

probably prefer it back unsinged, even if the

funeral pyre is the ultimate sign of respect

for a Scandinavian warrior.

Respect is very much the appropriate

descriptor for emotion accrued over the

six months Black Betty has graced our

driveway. During this time, there hasn’t

been a lot of pillaging, but plenty of packing,

plodding and perambulating.

Of course, the Vikings were known

for more than just sacking and pillaging;

among their skills was the ability to craft

lightweight vessels that combined speed

and durability. While this land-based

descendant of that Nordic bloodline may

not be particularly svelte or rapid, it’s surely

a masterpiece of durable design, evidenced

by the fact it’s still in one piece after a

hammering from a voracious horde of tiny

horned warriors.

Life was undoubtedly hard for the Vikings

as they bobbed about the Baltic, but consider

the battering this XC90 copped at the hands

(and feet) of the rampaging Bulmer brood

and their ferocious little friends.

I’ve no idea how car companies calculate

a lifetime of doors being slammed with the

ferocity of Thor’s hammer, of seatbacks

being furiously pummelled by angry

little legs in dirty little sneakers, and of

touchscreens prodded with the sensitivity

of an angry inquisitor. But as I watch the

handsome black XC90 emerge gleaming

from its ritual cleansing at the hands of the

Druids at Sprinkles car wash, I marvel at

how well it stood up to the rigours of this

particular campaign.

With footwells finally clear of wrappers,

receipts and rubbish, windows wiped clean

of olfactory offerings, and a mysterious

smear on the back seat sent to forensics for

identification, I can once again admire the

big Swede’s handsome lines.

Minus road grime and pigeon poop,

the XC90’s honest, muscular design still

looks fresh and distinctive. It may lack the

dramatic headlights, plunging rooflines

and raked pillars of some rival SUVs, but its

elegant surfacing and fine detailing lends

it a suitably premium Euro air, while that

box-like body delivers the space a modern

Viking crew requires.

That restrained pragmatism continues

on the inside. Deceptively simple but

undeniably elegant, it locates various

vehicle system controls within the (prone

to smudging) 12.3-inch touchscreen. With

its swipe up or across interface, the screen

proved a little frustrating at times as it isn’t

entirely intuitive, but we’ll forgive it that sin

for the obvious decluttering benefits.

Clutter is something the roomy Swede

easily accommodates, thanks to its

generous 651 litres of boot space, or a still-

respectable 291 with the third row in use.

Fold both second and third rows and there’s

room for 950 litres of stuff you don’t need

from Ikea, accessed via an electric tailgate

worth its weight in Aldi coupons.

The high seating position found favour

with my vertically challenged better half,

while the rug-rats in the cheap seats had

nothing to complain about, with individual

ventilation controls and ample space

between to avoid fisticuffs.

The stylish leather-clad pews provide

excellent support and comfort for short or

long trips, while the versatile configuration

and ease of folding the other rows meant

loading a raiding party was ever easy.

Refined, roomy and utterly practical,

the XC90 is a superb family wagon, and

surely one of the best of the breed.

While full burial rites for this Viking

warrior may be out of the question, there

is another Norse tradition that’s arguably

more appropriate, involving ritual

drinking. And that’s surely something

Swedes and Aussies can agree on. Skål!

GED BULMER