the times Saturday June 11 202210 Body + Soul
Q
My wife has just
stopped taking the
contraceptive pill for
the first time after 20 years.
She got fed up with it and is
going to use an ovulation
app instead. It has come as
a surprise to me that her
sex drive has increased and
I’m finding it hard to keep
up. I’m feeling out of
balance. What can we do?
Libido is not, and
never will be, a static
entity. Couples are
rarely synchronised
works in the University of Copen-
hagen’s department of gynaecology,
found clear evidence that the use of
hormonal contraception, espe-
cially among adolescents, was
associated with subsequent use
of antidepressants and a first
diagnosis of depression.
Unfortunately, when you are
still fertile, going off the pill is a
luxury that can only be enter-
tained if you have something else
to replace it with. Bar barrier
methods or the IUD — also known
as the copper coil (which is not fun
to get put in or taken out) — most
options such as implants or the
Mirena coil involve hormones.
In the absence of real choice,
women have been quick to
take to ovulation apps. As that is
what you and your wife are now
using, do be careful. One study
found that nearly a third of those
who used a fertility app as a con-
traceptive method ended up get-
ting pregnant.
Send your questions to
[email protected]for ever. As long as you are both honest
and open and you continue with skin-to-
skin contact, you will remain physically
and emotionally connected. Remember
that desire is responsive, too, so even if
you’re not feeling in the mood at the start,
once you start to kiss, spoon in bed or may-
be take a shower together you will often
feel rather different.
I’m not surprised that your wife is feel-
ing a boost at the moment. It’s probably not
just physical but mental too. Relief is a
common response among women who
stop taking the pill. I know lots of women
who say that they feel much better for it.
They say things like “I feel more like my-
self” or “my mood has lifted” and often “I
wish I had done it sooner”.
I’m not against the pill — the consensus
is that the benefits have always outweighed
the risks. Pregnancy and childbirth are
risky, and the pill can reduce the risk of en-
dometrial and ovarian cancer for decades
after a woman stops using it, say leading ex-
perts from Oxford University. However,
that doesn’t diminish the fact that it
definitely makes a lot of women feel a bit
rubbish. Charlotte Wessel Skovlund, whoSuzi Godson
Sex counsel
I can’t keep up
with my wife
A
The pill, in many ways, is fantas-
tic. It was revolutionary in giving
women autonomy over their
bodies — it also made us respon-
sible for carrying the burden of preventing
unwanted pregnancies. It is, of course,
high time that burden was shared, but
science has somehow failed to advance
male contraception. Actually, that is not
entirely true. In 2016 trials of an injected
male contraceptive were found to be 96
per cent effective, but the trial was halted
because the treatment caused side-effects
such as depression, acne and weight gain
— sound familiar? As a result, scientists
are now working to find a nonhormonal
solution. I think I safely speak for half the
population when I say that I wish that level
of consideration had been extended to us.
With regards to the increase in your
wife’s sex drive, libido is not — and never
will be — a static entity. It changes through
life, and couples are rarely completely syn-
chronised. Getting through periods of mis-
matched libido can be a challenge because
the person with less interest tends to call
the shots. Be patient and understanding,
and try to enjoy this peak, as it won’t lastMens Health
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