D12 EZ SU THE WASHINGTON POST.SUNDAY, JUNE 12 , 2022
sweating cheese sandwich. Next
to world food programs, it’s hard
to think of a more munificent
humanitarian contribution.No. 8: Traditions
If private clubs from shore to
continental shore have been able
to fend off the encroachment of
that dread factor, modernity, you
can thank golf. Take the
Honorable Company of
Edinburgh Golfers at Muirfield,
who refused to admit so much as
a female toe on their premises
through 2017, arguing that ladies
would “endanger foursomes and
speedy play.” It was Muirfield’s
prideful boast that its male-only
membership played so fast they
left “enough time for a further
round after lunch (even in mid
winter).”
The golfer could go on and on,
listing the ways the sport has
uplifted global humanity. Why,
who can forget golf’s role in
integrating lily-white Shoal
Creek and Augusta National —
in 1990. Or in ending Apartheid,
once golfers quit taking
exorbitant sums to play in
segregationist Pretoria. “I’ll tell
you what: That amount of
money opens your eyes every
morning,” Andy Bean said, at
least honestly.
Which brings us to perhaps
golf’s greatest — and most
inarguably valuable — global
contribution.No. 9: The excuse
As Mickelson, McDowell and
the rest of their Saudi
bootlicking company
demonstrate, where would the
soul of mankind be without
golf’s influence on the creative
search for self-exoneration for
our bad decisions and worst
shots?
“I switched from the Srixon
Z -Star ball to the Bridgestone
B -RXS, but I could tell in
midflight it was a bad decision.”
“I really should have waited
for the green to clear.”
“Did you feel that wind
change?”
No doubt Mickelson and
McDowell et al. feel a change in
the wind. And you can bet it feels
cold despite all that
warmhearted global do-gooding
they say they are doing.belonging to club champions
with names such as C. Stillborn
Drunklord IV.No. 5: Lingo
Ahhhh, the elegance of the
golf lexicon and its jingling
notes, alternately so poetic and
clever. “You da man!” is second
only to “Mashed Potatoes!”
among timeless phrases of
rhythm and grace. In the mouth
of a golfer, long grass becomes
“cabbage,” and every destination
is prefaced by “Rancho.”No. 6: Sansabelt pants
We can thank golf for giving
other unfashionable people
something to look down upon.
The polyester beltless trouser
coupled with ill-fitting polo shirt
with writing on the pocket is
truly a timeless uniform, and
let’s not leave out the women’s
section of the pro shop, so
brightly pink and filled with
skorts.No. 7: The beverage cart
There you are, stranded and
parched, miles from the
19th Hole bar, when here come
the refreshments in a lurchy
wagon driven by a young woman
with a surly-weary expression,
offering a choice between
canned vodka mules, pale ale,
Jim Beam and High Noon Sun
Sip, accompanied, as ever, by arolling Scottish-style fairways to
the Sonoran ecoregion so that
mid-level executives could play
annual corporate outings at
places named Cochise and
Geronimo.No. 2: The motorized cart
Invention is surely a byword
of golf, and thus the Club Car
and the E-Z-Go must be entered
into the book of historical
contributions. Without these
vehicles, children of private
enclaves would be denied their
early F-1 lessons, and aging
arthritics would not be able to
drive straight to their gated
townhouses.No. 3: The hospitality tent
Has there been a more
important contribution to the
alleviation of suffering than the
corporate greenside villa as a
haven for Cohiba smokers and
sockless gin-soaked hedgies,
seeking refuge from the
relentless raff and torturing sun?No. 4: Antique golf clubs
Without the commitment of
golf to saving archaic and banal
objects, the “niblick” and
“mashie” would be truly
endangered. The brassie, the
spoon, the baffie and the cleek:
All would be lost and consigned
to the waters of time if not for
the priceless collections oncetrying to choke down smuggled
diamonds. “Nobody here does,
throughout the world.... I’ve
also seen the good that the game
of golf has done throughout
history.”
McDowell’s turn. “Speaking
personally, I really feel that golf
is a force of good in the world,”
he said.
The obvious follow-up
question is: Exactly how has golf
has been a historical force for
good, if you please, especially in
repressed countries? Reporter
Alan Shipnuck might have
pressed Mickelson on this topic
after the first round at the
inaugural LIV event at
Centurion Club outside London,
except he was hustled away from
the press area by a couple of
“neckless security dudes” saying
they were acting on orders “from
their boss, whom they refused to
name,” as Shipnuck wrote in a
tweet.
When Shipnuck messaged LIV
Commissioner Norman for an
explanation, that platinum-
coated mannequin replied, “Did
not hear, thanks for letting me
know,” only for camera footage
to reveal Norman was actually
right behind Shipnuck as it
happened, looking as if he was
about to murder him for the
diamonds that Mickelson had
already swallowed.
Since the golfers would not or
could not answer any questions
of substance before being cut off
by emcee Ari Fleischer, it’s left it
to the rest of us to catalogue the
many ills that golf has cured all
around the world and across
history and to spell out the
“force for good” the LIV tour will
bring to such needy locales as
Pumpkin Ridge and Trump-
Bedminster.
In order of importance, here
are the ways in which golf has
been a source of indispensable
virtue from ocean to ocean:
No. 1: Scottsdale’s irrigation
Certainly, a most meaningful
historical event. Think of what a
desert the desert might have
become had Jack Nicklaus not
whacked so many hundred-year-
old saguaro cactuses to
introduce elevation changes and
JENKINS FROM D1
SALLY JENKINS
Golf is a force for good — f or Mickelson and his pals
PAUL CHILDS/ACTION IMAGES/REUTERS
Said Phil Mickelson: “I don’t condone human rights violations at
all.... I’ve also seen the good that the game of golf has done.”ASSOCIATED PRESSFormer Masters champion
Charl Schwartzel banked
$4.75 million Saturday by winning
the richest tournament in golf his-
tory, while the event’s Saudi back-
ers faced renewed backlash after a
9/11 victims’ group called for
American players to withdraw
from the rebel series.
Schwartzel held on for a one-
shot victory at the inaugural LIV
Golf event outside London to se-
cure the $4 million prize for the
individual victory — along with
another $750,000 from his share
of the $3 million purse earned by
his four-man Stinger team for top-
ping the team rankings.
Schwartzel collected more
prize money from winning the
three-day, 54-hole event in St. Al-
bans, England, than he had from
the past four years combined. Not
that it could match the sense of
sporting achievement that he felt
after his win at Augusta National
in 2011.
“Money is one thing, but there
you’re playing for prestige, his-
tory,” he said. “Winning a major
will always top anything you do.”
Twenty players have now de-
fected from the PGA Tour, with
Patrick Reed the latest former
Masters champion confirmed as
signing up to LIV Golf as the final
round was being completed.
However, the lucrative rewards
for joining the Public Investment
Fund-backed series have not been
enough to entice any players
ranked in the world’s top 10.
Reed, who has won almost
$37 million in a decade on the PGA
Tour, is ranked 36th. The 31-year-
old American’s only major win is
the 2018 Masters.
Reed said he would make his
debut on the second stop of the
LIV Golf series outside Portland,
Ore., on June 30-July 2.
Pat Perez, the 46-year-old
American who is ranked 168th inthe world, also joined the break-
away, saying he wants to travel less
after 21 years on the PGA Tour.
Martin Kaymer, the 2014 U.S.
Open champion, withdrew from
next week’s major, citing an injury
after closing with a 69 at the LIV
Golf event.
Meanwhile, Terry Strada, the
national chair of 9/11 Families
United, sent a letter to representa-
tives of LIV Golf stars calling on
them to reconsider their partici-
pation in the series.
Her husband, Tom, died when a
hijacked plane flew into the World
Trade Center.
“Given Saudi Arabia’s role in
the death of our loved ones and
those injured on 9/11 — your fel-
low Americans — we are angered
that you are so willing to help the
Saudis cover up this history in
their request for ‘respectability,’ ”
Strada wrote, accusing the players
of betraying U.S. interests.
l PGA TOUR: Tony Finau bird-
ied the final hole in Toronto for an
8-under-par 62 and a share of the
Canadian Open lead with defend-
ing champion Rory McIlroy.
“I didn’t finish the way I wanted
to yesterday, and I think all it did
was kind of light a fire in my belly
to get after it today,” Finau said.
“That’s pretty much what I did. I
made some birdies, and I just
played really clean golf. ”
McIlroy had a 65 to match
Finau at 11-under 199 at St.
George’s Golf and Country Club.
McIlroy had to wait three years
to defend his 2019 title because of
the pandemic that canceled golf’s
fourth-oldest championship the
past two years.
PGA champion Justin Thomas
(63), Colonial winner Sam Burns
(65), Wyndham Clark (68) and
Alex Smalley (67) were at 9 under.
l LPGA TOUR: Sweden’s Frida
Kinhult, seeking her first tour vic-
tory, birdied the par-5 18th for a
4-under 67 and a one-shot lead in
the ShopRite Classic in Galloway
Township, N.J.
l PGA TOUR CHAMPIONS:
Thongchai Jaidee of Thailand shot
a 7-under 65 for a share of the
second-round lead with Miguel
Ángel Jímenez in the American
Family Insurance Championship
in Madison, Wis.GOLF ROUNDUPSchwartzel’s LIV victoryi s worth $4.75 million9/11 victims’ group calls
for U.S. players to exit
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