Expert advice
~ are rTIOfe tlPS on how 10 deal with conflicts:
- Wrile 11 down. Keep a detailed record of inleractlOns belween
you and your boss, and be ready 10 show how these have had a
negative effecl on your ability 10 da your Job. "Don', ~ the
manager," say the experts al Integnly.t:I.B. (www.integrityhr.com)
In Loulsvllle, Kentucky. "Simply stelle Ihe facls and how the situ-
ations are itlWini you and YOUf colleagues."
- Stay calm. This can be difficult when you are in the midst 01 a
conliiel. but it's important. "Don'! get emotional when preparing
YOUf argument, and don', get angry," IntegfllyHR writes on ils
bieg. "Gelling emotional and angry can cause colleagues and
upper management 10 lose respect for you. and can reduce the
credlbility of your argument. H
- Talk 10 YOUf boss. Have yeu and your boss had a disagreement?
Or do you feet he/she just doesn't understand you? Don't ~
~ it for weeks, growing more frustraled every day. Inslead,
make an appolnlmenl to talk it over. "Whalever you do, don't be
confrool aljooal," advises Richard Hart, director of ProActive
ReSolutions~, in Vancouver. "Be ready for the fact that Ihe
CODversation may not go weil," Hart told The Wall Street Journal.
- Show Ihal you have support. ~Staft collecting references and
recommendation letters trom clients, ~ mdustrv pros, and
loeal leaders," suggests Jeff Schmitt, a columnlst and careers
biogger (www.businessweek.com/bioslJefCSchmitt.htm) trom
Duboque, lewa.
- Leam trom the situation. Conflicts with your boss can have a
positive side, says Penelope Trunk, the UI..u..o.J:1.e. of ~
Careerist. a seclai network that helps young people manage Iheir
careers. "When you are learning, even if you're learning to gt.t
aloolj! wjlh a crazy person, you are growing. And t hat's wha!
makes a job worth holding onto."
person is, they're not going anywhere. n Dcpersonalize
by saying, " It's not about mc" and, instead,learn who
they are, and change YOUf reacrion to them. With a sa-
cred cow, you might find out that they have same hid-
den project that they'd love you to da, and if yau take
that on, and give them canstant llid.iI. far ir, their reac-
rion ro you will change. This is still going to be a sacred
cow, but your day-to-day experience of feeling torment-
kd., frustrated, and infurjated can change.
Tryina: to dea l wilh a difficult boss requires a lot of compro-
mises. Is Ihere any behavior thai you should not accept?
Crowley: Yes. The perseeutor is the o ne boss where we
say: "Run for your life!" This is so mcone who really
does make your life mjserable, sbames you in front of
others, and .a.b..Lw:..s. you. So, in that case, we encourage
the individual ro look - and look quickly - for ~
pastures.
Elster: Many peaple also have problems with a mkr.
Ir's dcmealljnl; and demoralizing, although I've seen
some people deal with it. Ir's about your level of tole-
rance. \Y/e want people to feel safe.
Crowley: Yes, you have tO fil;ure Out whar's acceptable
for you. If you find you are having a physlcal reacrion
- you a re getting an .u.J.m, or you've gOt chronic
headaches, or )'ou'rc suddenly wearing a back brace-
that would tell )'ou thar rhis is not a good Ill..illill.
Elster: I'd also like to offer a lirrle tip: persecutors have
a very high staff rurnover. So it's an important q uestion
4/2010
to ask d uring a tob interview. If you find out that their
staff changes every year 100 percent, you're next!
The reces sion has probably influenced whelher people
decide they can deal with a boss or look for anothe r job.
Elster: Yes, and it's been very rough for people, because
they might bave leh, and now they can't. Or they mighr
havc had a wonderful boss who is now having a stress
reaction to the reeession. So, a nice but disorganized
boss is even more disorganizcd !lOW.
Crowley: Anorher common phenomenon is [har people
sjin o n foe one jo b, working for one boss, under one
company, and then management changes. So, even
though your job descrjption may rcmain unchanged, if
your boss changes, or th e eompany is boug ht by anoth-
er corporarjon and the ~ changes, then you're
back to SQuare ooe. !t's a wholc different ball i:ame, and
you have to deeide wherher it can work for you or not.
What kind of bosses are you?
Elster: Katherine's a great boss! She gives very clear in-
strllctions, she says when things are .d..ue" and lays out
her expectations. In contrasr, I like to give people a [ar
of~. You can hang yourself with ir, of course! I t's not
that I want people tO hang themselves; [ wa nt thern to
be independent and crcative. I onee fircd a young.iuIcrn
because she just didn't ~ anything, and she was fu-
rious. A year later, she told me that it was the greatest
kis2n she ever learned, and nQW J'm her mentor.
Crowley: Kathi's astar, and she's a g rear boss for stars.
She assumes that if she gives someone somerhing ro da,
they will run wirh ir - the way she does. She's an ex-
cellem boss for people who like tO ~ - enthusias-
tie individuals who take initiative, ask q uestions when
they don't understand, and srrive for impressive resulrs
on the job. III
Further reading
BOOKS
- Wotting for Yau Isn't Worlring for Me, Katherine Crowley, Kathi
Elster, Portfolio Penguin, ISBN 978-1-59184-275-0, $25.95.
- Werk/nI with You Is Killi", Me, Katherine Crewley, Kathi
Elster, Business Plus, 97B-0-446·69849-8, $14.99.
- ßuan t:arHfist: The New Rul~ for Success, Penelope Trunk,
Business Plus, ISBN 97B-0-446-57864-6, $22.99.
WEBSITES
- More career lips trom Kathi Elster and Katherine Crowley:
http://www.wofkingforyouisntworkingforme.com
- Brazen Gareerist bieg with advice on life and workplace:
htlp:llblog.penelopetrunk.comlabout -brazen-careerisf
, ... ,,] Vou can keep up to date with the latest career trends at
http://www.business-spotlight.delcareers
Canadian journalist MARGARET DAVIS edits the
Careers sectlon of Business Spotlight. Contact details:
m .davis@spotl ight ~verlag. de
Business Spotlight 49
