remember. That we are not prepared for it will be known at the last stage only, and
not in the earlier stages. Every sadhaka is prepared for God-realisation; we can take
it as a common feature of every seeker. But this is only preparedness at the lower
levels. At the advanced stage, this requisition of one’s being ready for this ultimate
merger becomes lukewarm, and finally it becomes a frightening something, so that
there is a withdrawal of the mind.
There can be nothing worse for a mind to conceive than its own annihilation. This is
a fear not merely of the last psychological condition, but of any individualistic entity.
What can be worse for us to conceive than our own death? The worst pain is death.
Nothing can be worse than that and, therefore, it is the last thing that one would be
prepared for. This psychological death that the mind is working for is really
something like a person preparing for days and months to commit suicide, and when
the last moment comes, he will not do it. The preparation is one thing; the actual act
is a different thing altogether. There is a great difference in quality. Similarly, the
mind will think three times before it actually embarks upon this adventure of self-
annihilation, which is the merger of the mind into the object. This fear of the mind is
really baseless. It is a kind of stupid idiocy of the affirmative principle—namely, the
ego—which somehow or other speaks in a language which goes at a tangent, having
no connection at all with the objective that is before oneself.
In the identification of oneself with the object, there is no loss; it is only gain. But it
looks as if it is a loss. The aspect of loss gets emphasised primarily, much more than
the aspect of gain that is involved in it, because the mind automatically makes a
comparison between the event that is to take place, namely, the communion, and the
circumstances which follow from the maintenance of one’s individuality—the
pleasures thereof and the various sorts of relationships which have been regarded as
vital and real for one’s very existence. It becomes difficult to conceive that existence
gets enhanced rather than gets diminished in communion. The basis of the fear is
this: the existence of a person—an individual or the ego, the mind or consciousness,
or whatever it is—appears to get obliterated completely, wiped out from existence.
So, instead of trying for a larger existence, we appear to be entering into an
annihilation of existence. This is the reason why there is a lot of misgiving on the part
of seekers, and this subtle fear always works inwardly like a disturbing factor. It goes
on disturbing in as many ways as possible until it succeeds in preventing the mind
from entering into this communion.
Suffice it to say that the being of the object naturally enlarges the dimension of the
being of the subject; it does not annihilate it. There is no loss of any kind whatsoever.
There is only an increase in the dimension of being. There is an enhancement of the
value of one’s life—an increase in every respect, in quantity as well as quality. The
quantity increases on account of the addition of the value and the existence of the
object in the subject. The quality increases on account of the entry of the mind into
the subjectivity of the object. The highest quality is the subject, not the object.
Therefore, to enter into the subjective being of the object would be the enhancement
of the quality of experience, while the being of the object, when it is identified with
the being of the subject, enhances the quantity. Either way one is a gainer, both in
quantity as well as quality. So, what is the fear? The fear is baseless, just as a child
cries when it is alone in the wilderness. It is not frightened about any existent thing;
it is simply frightened because there is nothing around. Thus, one can be frightened
merely because of the absence of objects. When we are alone, we are in fear.