om family
The boy
At the same time, I was raising a boy. I was fair in my attention, or so
I tried to be. He was simple, easy going and demanded little. Then
one day, he looked, sounded and smelt different. It was sudden and
intense. At times I thought there was a man in the house, and then
realised it was my boy child. His sweet innocence became moodier
than the women in the house. I was confused and soon felt out
of my depth, so I searched for help. I needed a man, a good man.
I crafted a genius plan to find my son a perfect male role model
to learn some quality ‘man stuff’ and in turn become a good man
himself. So I set him up with a wise martial arts teacher, a cool
baseball coach, a hip guitar teacher and was grateful that some
of his friends had big brothers and dads who were present and
sensitive enough to take him into their man caves when necessary.
The big shave
I noticed his facial hair, and panicked. What to do? The girl child
was waxed and massaged into maturity but how to shave a face... I
told him I would find a man to show him how. We went shopping for
shaving cream – organic of course – a shaving brush (does he even
need one?) and a razor... limitless choice. I was freaking out. Then
he decided one night while I was cooking to shave. I shouted ‘No...
I haven’t found a man yet!’ I appealed to him to wait. I told him that
I felt it was a rite of passage situation and a man must show him
how. He said YouTube would do. I started to cry, it could have been
the gin and tonic, but I felt like I was failing him. I wasn’t sure that
a single mum could do this. I wanted more for him. He just wanted
to shave. So, G&T and tissues in hand, an iPad loaded with a first
shave tutorial, we were set. We made it fun and yes, it was a rite
of passage for both my boy and me. We plunged into the unknown
world of manliness together, laughing as we cleansed, shaved and
oiled his beautiful face. A moment I will never forget.
Empower yourself
I survived the ordeal and realised that this was the first of many
roads to walk with my boy. So, I decided to arm myself with a better
understanding of what an adolescent boy needs, to best support
him on the journey. Since walking the path with more awareness,
our relationship feels easier too. I observe him and his ways from
a distance and this helps me understand him better. I share with
parents I respect who have older boys, and learn from them. I
read recommended books that offer deeper insight into men and
masculinity, and this reduces my fear, and empowers me as a
conscious parent. Instead of feeling out of my depth, I feel excited
to get to know my son as he changes and grows into the man he
chooses to be.
Recommended reading: Iron John by Robert Bly.
Siri Arti is the founder of Starchild Yoga, which runs teacher trainings
and workshops in the UK and overseas (starchildyoga.org)
COMING SOON:
TEEN SPACE: Workshops for teenagers to find tools
to manage life and be optimal using yoga, creativity
and food.
FIND A MAP: Retreats for adults to find space to breathe,
share and be guided.
Find out more at: starchildyoga.org