student move on to another class and
keep clear boundaries,” she says. This
enables you to maintain your own
sacred space for spiritual work apart
from a partner, even if the relationship
lasts, she says. If the relationship doesn’t
work out, you won’t lose a core group
of friends and your place of practice.
In fact, you’ll have access to healing
support.
If finding another studio or space in
which to practice isn’t an option, most
agree that ending the teacher-student
dynamic is important.
“The responsibility is on the teacher to
make this clear, since the teacher is the
one in power,” says Smith. This requires
a potentially awkward, but essential,
conversation.
“I met my husband nine years ago in
a yoga class that I was teaching,” says
yoga teacher Claudia Fucigna, who is
based in Los Angeles. “I spent all my
time in the yoga studio; it would have
been hard to meet anyone another
way. What allowed our relationship to
develop in a healthy way was a mutual
agreement that he wouldn’t practice
in my class if we became a couple. He
found another teacher; I found the love
of my life.”
Create a code of ethics—and
enforcements. In an effort to deter
abuse (and, frankly, lawsuits), studio
owners and facilitators of teacher
trainings can design and implement
their own code of ethics, suggests Mike
Patton, cofounder of Yoga Vida in New
York. “We not only added a code of
conduct to our teacher-training manual,
but we require all of our teachers and
teachers-in-training to sign a contract
that bans teacher-student romantic and
sexual relationships.”
Lasater stresses, however, that codes
alone aren’t enough. She believes they
should be connected to consequences,
such as suspension, to prevent
transgressions. Students also need a
place to report abuses, and teachers
need a place to receive support if they
repeatedly find themselves attracted to
students, she says.
Get philosophical. As we continue to
modernize yoga, the foundations of this
ancient practice (such as the yamas and
niyamas) seem increasingly important,
says Sri Dharma Mittra. It can also be
helpful to consider other philosophical
concepts, such as viveka (discernment),
when love and spirituality meet.
Talk about it. As a yoga community,
there’s an opportunity to take part in
candid conversations about the ethics
and power dynamics of student-teacher
relationships. Teacher trainings can
include discussing what to do when
those relationships turn romantic, for
instance. Students and teachers alike
can also talk about the intersection of
practice and love. “The worst happens
when there’s secrecy and silence,”
says Smith.
I believe the act of speaking is
essential. In my case, I didn’t fully
think about teacher-student romantic
relationships until I was already in
one, and situations like mine weren’t
openly discussed. Once my romantic
relationship with my meditation
teacher ended, I disappeared from that
community—and stayed silent. Yet I
was haunted with questions.
In finally speaking with others, I’m
stunned by how many have gone
through similar (or much worse)
experiences and suffered pain in
lineages otherwise meant to end or
ease suffering. Many of us have lived
alone with questions, without the
support of community.
For me, the sheer act of discourse
has allowed me to feel less isolated
and more comfortable venturing into
a Buddhism class again, and to teach
yoga and lead trainings with clearer
ethics myself. As Khouri puts it,
“No matter what your opinion on this
conversation, it’s important you have
one,” she says. “We can’t address what
we don’t name.”Sarah Herrington is the program
administrator for the graduate
yoga studies program at Loyola
Marymount University. She is the
author of four books on yoga,
and her work has appeared in
the New York Times.