80 DIVorCe wItH DeCenCY
lack of self-confidence, a dramatic decline in their academic per-
formance, and a higher tendency toward rebellious or delinquent
behavior than do their peers from intact families. (5) One some-
what ironic but presumably positive outgrowth of all this seems
to be that Gen-Xers of both genders appear to have come away
having a real commitment to marriage because so many of them
watched their parents divorce.
In fact, the argument can be made that divorce is a far more
destructive and emotionally ruinous phenomenon for the chil-
dren than it is for their parents. After all, at least one of the parents
is usually somewhat happy about the divorce since, by definition,
it served a function that at least one of them felt was necessary.
But there are virtually no positive benefits flowing to the children
from a divorce.
Let’s face it, divorce almost inevitably results in a reduced level
of parenting focus or capability. Divorcing parents tend to spend
less time physically with their kids and are less attentive to their
needs. In fact, statistics consistently demonstrate that kids from
divorced families have higher school absentee rates and lower
academic scores. Studies have also shown that children who grow
up in hostile home environments are more likely to begin hav-
ing sex earlier and more frequently and to display more problem
behaviors across the board.
There seems to be no question that most kids feel they have
gotten a really raw deal when their parents divorce. They sense
that they are going to get far less attention to their needs just
at the time when they feel their maturation process ought to be
taking center stage in the family theater. Instead, they are fre-
quently called upon to assume a far greater amount of responsi-
bility around the house and within the new (but not necessarily
improved) family structure. Their parents are so consumed by
their own desires or problems that the needs of the children take a
back seat. Meanwhile, the family finances often take a horrendous
downward spiral, and the kids tend to get less all the way around.
They get less of their parents’ attention and time availability, and
also less in the way of financial and emotional support.
Let me conclude by shining a slightly brighter ray of light on
the process. Research shows that it’s not the occurrence of the