198 DIVorCe wItH DeCenCY
and far more expansive, than would be the case in a two-parent
family. Essentially, the single parent often shoulders both the mater-
nal and paternal roles in child rearing. Of course, the child of a
single parent often has to return the favor by being a friend, con-
fidant, and possibly even wage earner for their now-single mom
or dad who may still be on emotional and financial thin ice.
New Romances and New Relationships
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
—Jim Backus
Today we seem to be witnessing the emergence of a widespread
restructuring of the very nature of relationships in the postmari-
tal arena. I refer to the increasingly high incidence of formerly
married folks who now make a deliberate choice to simply live
together in some sort of semipermanent cohabitation relation-
ship, rather than risk running the gauntlet of formal remarriage.
The Continuing Cohabitation Option
Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking
at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.
—Sam Levinson
Cohabitation outside of marriage is increasing dramatically
throughout American society in general—and the figures seem
to be particularly high for veterans of the divorce wars. I would
estimate that perhaps 25 percent or more of my formerly mar-
ried clients have now deliberately chosen the increasingly popu-
lar continuing cohabitation option.
I am not talking here about folks who just live together for a
spell prior to their next remarriage. I am talking about people
who make a deliberate choice to never remarry and to instead
permanently cohabit. The reasons for this vary: the man may
not want to take a second bath, financially speaking; the woman
may not want to have her alimony terminate upon remarriage,
etc.—but for whatever reason, permanent cohabitation in lieu of
remarriage is definitely a discernible trend. Many of my former