to be wise. She prays, she loves God, she is sensitive to the Lord’s
leading and direction, and I greatly respect her and the wisdom God
gives her.
But in every decision, whether large or small, and whether we
have reached agreement or not, the responsibility to make the deci-
sion still rests with me. I do not agree with those who say that male
headship only makes a difference once in ten years or so when a
husband and wife can’t reach agreement. I think that male head-
ship makes a difference in every decision that the couple makes
every day of their married life. If there is genuine male headship,
there is a quiet, subtle acknowledgment that the focus of the deci-
sion-making process is the husband, not the wife. And even
though there will often be much discussion, and there should be
much mutual respect and consideration of each other, yet ulti-
mately the responsibility to make the decision rests with the hus-
band. And so in our marriage, the responsibility to make the
decision rests with me.^25
This is not because I am wiser or a more gifted leader. It is
because I am the husband, and God has given me that responsibility.
In the face of cultural pressures to the contrary, I will not forsake this
male headship, I will not deny it, I will not be embarrassed by it.
It is God-given. It is very good. It brings peace and joy to our mar-
riage, and both Margaret and I are thankful for it.
Yet there are dangers of distortion in one direction or another.
Putting this biblical pattern into practice in our daily lives is a chal-
lenge, because we can err in one direction or the other. There are
errors of passivity and errors of aggressiveness. This can be seen in the
following chart:
Errors of passivity Biblical ideal Errors of
aggressivenessHusband Wimp Loving, humble Tyrant
headship
Wife Doormat Joyful, intelligent Usurper
submission
The Key Issues in the Manhood-Womanhood Controversy 45