BY AMY B. SCHER
I WAS 2 YEARS OLD WHEN I FOUND MYSELFhalfway
across the world, in India, searching for something
impossible to find at home—a cure. My body was falling
apart. The reason: late-stage Lyme disease. Because of it,
I was suffering from excruciating nerve pain, paralyzing
fatigue, a broken immune system, and the list went on.
Lyme disease had not only destroyed my physical self, but
the rest of me as well. And in a tiny hospital on the outskirts
of Delhi, a female Indian doctor was doing experimental
embryonic stem cell therapy that would possibly deliver my
long-awaited alternate destiny: health.
Looking at me, you might not have guessed anything
was so wrong. I styled my wild, curly hair every day;
painted on makeup; and faked being semi-normal. Yet
inside the places that no one knew but me, I felt like a
human lodged in the in-between—between living and
dying. I had come to India for the treatment that might
help me live again.
But it turns out, you do not go to India for what you
want and carry it away with ease. And so, in my hospital
room on the other side of the world, I found myself both
wildly chained to my circumstances, and also freer than I’d
ever been.
I’d always stuffed my feelings deep down in my body,
covering up the cracks and weaknesses that I worried
existed in nobody but me. But in India, an erratic, free-
for-all country, even my cracks started widening—and
it became clear what the crushing pressure of holding
on so tightly had done to me. Not only had it made my
life harder than it needed to be, but I started to really
wonder how much this pattern had affected my body,
too. What was the physical cost of clinging to stability and
consistency?
The real me, the one I wanted no one to see, poured out
uncontrollably; my defenses gone, I bared my vulnerabilities
for all to witness. Looking back now, it’s clear why it took
India for me to feel this. My body was more than a rebellious,
resistant deterrent to my hopes and dreams. My body, it
turns out, is perhaps the only bold-faced, consistent truth
teller in my life. And the truth my body had been speakingthrough all of its symptoms was this:You are not being you,
therefore this home is not for you. Get out. Find the real
person who lives here in this body, this home, and bring her
back. Then I will be happy, and so will you.
As if someone was slowly unblindfolding me,
I began to understand why I had not been the real me. I
was afraid of so many things—afraid I’d never really be
well (and that it wasn’t up to me); afraid that I would be
totally well (that it was all up to me); and, mostly, afraid
of embracing my utterly messy humanness.
Our physical bodies are the sum of our lives, and our
lives are the sum of our thoughts, beliefs, and emotions.
When we suppress our emotions, it can cause physical
symptoms. Symptoms are how our bodies communicate
with us, using their very own language. India forced me to
practice letting go of how I wanted others to see me and
become who I really was.
It turns out the actual stem cells were not a miracle
cure, but rather the catalyst for my ultimate healing.
Somewhere between the time I arrived in Delhi and the
time I left, I went from an existence committed to killing
Lyme to an existence committed to healing me. Saving my
own life was not a single act of courage nor a random act
of desperation. It wasn’t even, in the end, about attaining
perfect physical health. It was a long, slow, burning,
uncontrollable yearning to simply meet myself once again.Adapted fromThis Is How I Save My Lifeby Amy B.
Scher. Copyright © 2018 by Amy B. Scher. Reprinted
by permission of Gallery Books, a Division of Simon &
Schuster, Inc.Amy B. Scheris an author and energy therapist in
New York City. Learn more atamybscher.com.BRENDA GALLAGHERREFLECTION
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YOGA JOURNAL SINGAPORE (ISSN #24249246) is an international licensed edition of Yoga Journal and is published by Sankia Publishing Pte Ltd. All contents in this magazine are
non-religious and not affiliated to any religious organization. The pictures have all been credited to photographers except in those cases where they were legally purchased or procured
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june / july 2018yogajournal.com.sg