P: That comes later. First of all, I see whether it can be touched.
K: When I ask the question: Who am I? I must also question who is
investigating, who is asking the question.
P: I do not ask that question now. I have asked that question over and over again;
I have discussed awareness endlessly. I discard it because you have said: Do not
accept one word which is not your own. I start looking. Is this ‘I’ which is the
central core of myself, tangible? I observe it in the surface layers, in the deeper
layers of my consciousness, in the hidden darkness, and as I unfold it what takes
place is a light within, an explosion, an extension within.
Another factor that operates is that that which has been exclusive becomes
inclusive. So far I have been exclusive, now the world flows in.
K: We see that.
P: And I find that this is not something which can be touched or perceived. What
can be perceived is that which has been; it is a manifestation of this ‘I’. I see I
had a thought of this ‘I’ in action, but it is already over. Then I explore: From
where does thought emerge? Can I pursue a thought? How far can I go with a
thought? How far can I hold a thought? Can thought be held in consciousness?
These are tangible things which the individual has to completely feel for himself.
K: Let us be simple. When I ask: Who am I? who is asking the question? One
finds on investigation that the ‘I’ is not observable. And so, is the ‘I’ within the
field of the senses? Or, have the senses created the ‘I’?
P: The very fact that it is not within the field of the senses—
K: Do not move away from that. Is it not also within the field of the senses? We
jump too quickly.
P: I want to put aside everything Krishnaji has said, and I find that the very
inquiry, the very investigation into the ‘I’ creates light, an intelligence.
K: You are saying that the very inquiry brings about awareness. Obviously I did
not say it did not.
P: And, in the inquiry, one can only use certain instruments, which are the
senses. Whether the inquiry is outside or within, the only instruments which can
be used are the senses, because that is all we know: the seeing, listening,
feeling—and the field is illuminated. The field of the without and the field of the
within are illuminated. Now, in this state of illumination, you suddenly find that
there has been a thought, but that it is already over. If you now ask: Is the
stripping partial or total? the question is irrelevant; it has no meaning.