97only works if you’ve actually had patients!). Or try saying, “No, I haven’t, but I’d
really like to understand what it’s like for you. Would you please tell me about it?”
(see Chap. 11 on self-reference).
4.9.4 Won’t My Patients Think I’m Just Parroting Their
Words?
No, as long as you use concise responses expressed in your own words. While your
responses may seem forced or awkward to you, they allow patients to hear (some-
times for the first time) what they are experiencing and how they sound.
4.9.5 What Can I Accomplish with Empathy Reflections?
Sometimes students tell us they feel as if they aren’t accomplishing anything if they
“only repeat what the patient says.” Their comments reflect a Western perspective
that highly values problem-solving. What they don’t realize is that empathy is a
powerful component of effective problem-solving. It provides an initial understand-
ing of the nature of patient concerns and helps patients gain insight about their
attitudes, feelings, and real issues (Rubin 2002 ). Without accurate empathy, you
may come up with a great solution. However, it may be a solution to the wrong
problem (Egan 1994 )!
Additionally, we agree with Kessler ( 1999 ) that “...the new genetics increasingly
confronts professionals with issues that tend to place them into the role of counsel-
ors or therapists rather than educators. The fact that the information they provide is
emotionally evocative and intimately connected to the survival of patients requires
counselors to make a deeper exploration of the personal meaning patients give to the
information” (p. 341). Empathy is an essential skill for this type of exploration.
4.9.6 Is There Anything I Should Avoid Saying if I Want
to Be Empathic?
We recommend that you never say any of the following to your patients:
- “I know exactly how you feel.” You don’t. You can never get inside another per-
son’s skin and have the exact experience. This type of remark can be quite insult-
ing to patients. Furthermore, if patients actually believe it, they may stop
describing their experience because they assume you already know all about it. - “You shouldn’t feel that way.” This statement is judgmental and may make
patients think they are wrong to feel the way that they do. Furthermore, the real-
ity is that the patient does feel that way.