137CHAPTER 7
OFF THE CUSHION: INFORMAL
MINDFUL PRACTICES
You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf.Rechtschaffen (2014, p. 147)INFORMAL MINDFULNESS PRACTICES
During a recent trip to San Diego, California, I took surfing lessons. I was joined by my
husband, Jerry; my two daughters, Chloe and Maya; and my brother, Stephen, who is an
adult with Down syndrome. During the lessons, the wind was gusting, and the waves were
rough and hard to predict. It was a perfect week for learning. When you are surfing, you
watch the rise and fall of the water and the patterns of the waves as they roll in. If you turn
your back or look away, the waves can hit you, take your breath away, and even knock you
off your feet. If you try to fight the waves, you tire quickly. On a rough day, you can get a bit
beat up. I speak from experience. After a day like that, you could leave convinced that you
did not like surfing.
There is another way to be with the waves. If you stay present, line up your board, and
align your actions with the direction of the incoming waves, things shift. Instead of impact,
you are on top, moving and flowing, gliding toward shore. It can be beautiful. There are no
promises that you won’t fall or that you will have a soft landing. I have a felt sense of this,
too. Still, the difference between the fight or the ride is one moment. It is a moment when
you can either miss it all and get hit from behind, battle the wave head-on suffering inevi-
table impact and fatigue, or you can ride. To do this well requires a certain level of letting go.
I was paired with my brother Stephen. He lives in the moment as a way of being. As
much as I try to understand and think to manage my world, Stephen is present and open
to what is next. While surfing, Stephen tried and crashed and tried and crashed over and
over, all with the same eagerness. Because of this, he, more than me, was able to ride the
wave. It was his ability to let go, be present, allow the wind and the waves, and do it all
with an attitude of happiness that made his surfing even more effective and fun than mine.
Stephen’s surfing, like everything else he does, is a constant reminder to me that we cannot
cognitively mediate the world. He reminds me that understanding, seeking control, and