78 • PART II: MINDFULNESS IN EDUCATING FOR SELF-REGULATION AND ENGAGEMENT
mindfulness turn into the practice of wisdom, or insight, when the focused mind is used to
penetrate the illusions that create obstacles to insight (Olendzki, 2012). For Samuel, wisdom
would be found in his insight regarding how the loving-kindness meditation was helping
him let go of his anger and be a better friend to his peers.
The wisdom of mindfulness can also be cultivated by considering experience from both
the internal and external perspective. When we do this, we notice the interaction and inter-
dependency of the two (Cook-Cottone, 2015). That is, experience is constructed from what
is presented to us on the outside and our processing of it on the inside (Olendzki, 2012). For
Samuel, it was the way he was handling his peer relationships that was causing him trouble.
By holding onto his list of hurts and seeing peer interactions as potentially hurtful, he was
creating a way of being with his classmates that was fulfilling his internal belief system.
Conversely, by practicing the loving-kindness meditation for Mark, his most challenging
peer, Samuel was able to experience the powerful interaction of his inner and outer worlds.
When he let go of anger and interacted with Mark in a positive manner, he had more effec-
tive partner work in the classroom.
THREE CHARACTERISTICS OF MINDFULNESS: IMPERMANENCE,
NONATTACHMENT, AND NOT-SELF
Mindfulness can also be viewed within the context of three central characteristics: imper-
manence, nonattachment, and not-self. Grabovac, Lau, and Willett (2011) describe these as
the three characteristics of mindfulness common to all experiences (i.e., sense impressions
and mental events).
Impermanence
Despite what we would like to think, everything changes (Bien, 2006; Kabat-Zinn, 2013;
Shapiro & Carlson, 2009). Interestingly, for children everything changes all the time—which
is problematic given their strong need for structure and stability. When I teach Counseling
with Children and Adolescents at the university, I spend time at the beginning of the semes-
ter reminding my students how children and adolescents are in a constant process of change.
Their clothes fit differently from day to day. The can grow 5 to 7 inches in a school year.
They don’t know how to subtract one month, and some are multiplying in a few months.
Their parents divorce or move. We tend to resist the impermanence of this nature. More than
you and I, who wear essentially the same size, have stable jobs, and have finely tuned skill
sets for years and decades, they know change. Perhaps it is because of all the change inher-
ent in being a child or adolescent that they thrive on permanence and structure. Dealing
with impermanence can be especially challenging for our students.
Having a sense of impermanence can be critical in self-regulation. A difficult situation at
school or with peers manifests, becomes uncomfortable, and resolves. We tend to forget the
impermanence of this nature. It is the nature of things to arise and pass away (Cook-Cottone,
2015). In terms of self-regulation, all sense impressions and mental events are transient in
that they arise and pass away (Grabovac et al., 2011). Mindfulness scholars explain that we
do not suffer because of all things being impermanent. We suffer because we resist or forget
this fact (Bien, 2006; Kabat-Zinn, 2013). When things are pleasurable, safe, and good, we